Fails of the Week: Jay Elec’s Album is “Almost” Done, DeSean Jackson Raps & More Posted by Nathan S. on 07/19/13 | Filed under Humor, Fails of the Week, Fails

The dictionary defines "Schadenfreude" as pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. In that case, we're about to get Schadenfreude like a motherfucker up in this piece.

For the latest edition of "Fails of the Week" (aka your favorite running column that doesn't involve random hot girls) I tackle the announcement that Jay Elec's album is "almost" finished, DeSean Jackson's mediocre rap skills and more.

Enjoy...

Desean Jackson is the new Rakim Jason Kidd


True story. The first time he recorded "Diamonds on My Neck" DeSean Jackson dropped the mic and walked out of the room 1 bar short of finishing the verse. Get it? GET IT?

Ah, nothing like over-explaining your own jokes. Anyway, terrible rap songs from athletes is nothing new. Pro athletes seem to take up making rap videos as a hobby the same way old people take up whittling. Now there's something I'd be impressed by. Hey wide NBA and NFL players, whittle yourself a diamond chain (made entirely out of wood) and you will earn my undying respect.

I won't hold my breath...

Related: Dirk Nowitzki Sings Terribly In Very Strange Music Video

Jay Elec Gets "Detox"ed


I know I've made some jokes over the years about Jay Elec's upcoming album (and yes, I now mean years literally), but it looks like I owe Mr. Elec an apology. According to a NME interview, Jeymes Samuel, one of Elec's producers, insists his album is now finally almost done:

"Honestly, it's in the last stages of recording. It's just tinkering. Just putting the final… you know when a builder builds a house? And when he's finished the walls he gives them one little brush over, like a once over? And then the album will be done."

It's exactly like that, only allow me to extend the analogy. This album is like when a builder builds a house, and then he gives it one final brush over, then he leaves the house and goes on vacation, and when he comes back, he's really not that interested in the house anymore, so he replaces the windows but nope, it's still not what he envisioned. So fuck it, he tears down the house and starts all over again. And of course all that tearing down is really tiring, so he goes on vacation again, and marries a Rothschild, and gets really into Tibetan art, and oh yeah, wasn't there this house he was supposed to be building? Whatever, he'll get around to it.

It's like that.

Don't Worry Black People, Racism Is Totally Dead


As always, I think we all know who's really to blame here - rappers.

These Week in Atrocious Random Raps


Fair warning, like last week's Brokencyde, this isn't one of those so bad it's good examples. This is just one of those "so bad it's hard to believe anything could even be that bad" examples. A small piece of my soul withered, died, and exited my rectum just listening to this. So before you press play, you've been warned.

Via the Biscuit Gawd (aka Bauce Sauce).

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