Fails of the Week: Weezy’s Miraculously Recovers, Drake Murders Vaginas & More Posted by Nathan S. on 03/22/13 | Filed under Humor, Fails of the Week

The dictionary defines "Schadenfreude" as pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. In that case, we're about to get Schadenfreude like a motherfucker up in this bitch.

For the latest edition of "Fails of the Week" (aka your favorite running column that doesn't involve random hot girls) I tackle Lil Wayne's miraculous recovery (aka tour promo), Amandy Bynes and Miley Cyrus losing their minds and more.

Enjoy...

Lil Wayne is Fine...Enough to Take Your Money


See everybody, Lil Wayne is completely fine (buy tour tickets!). No need to worry, really, he's feeling good (tour tickets!). Yeah, he was in the hospital for a couple days (tour tickets!), but he's obviously in pristine (tour tickets!) condition. In fact, he (tour tickets) looks so healthy you should probably go buy tickets to his tour, which he's definitely going to do, because he's fine.

Sweet baby jesus this is going to end horribly. (p.s. TMZ reported the news of his "death", now they've got the video of his "I'm fine speech". The lesson? TMZ always wins.

Meet Drake, Vagina Murderer

I want @drake to murder my vagina

— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) March 22, 2013

Sweet baby jesus, remember when this was Amanda Bynes? And now she's getting a DUI every other week, accumulating random piercings, and tweeting Drizzy about vaginal homicide. So yeah, I'd say things aren't going well for the woman.

On the plus side, it gives us a chance to make a lot of "Make me catch a vagina like that...don't do it" jokes. And for the record, as tempting as it may sound, if a woman ever asks you to "murder her vagina", run away as fast as you possibly can. There's a 99% chance she'll end up burning down your house.

Miley Cyrus Twerks...Poorly


Speaking of balls crazy white girls, Miley Cyrus recently donned a unicorn costume and proceeded to get her twerk on because, you know, that's a thing that happens now because the world has spiraled out of control. The worst part? This might just make "Wop" a hit, and if that happens, no one wins.

In related news, Billy Ray Cyrus is at home right now crying thug tears.

Meet Too Short, World's Worst Police Evader


I love Too $hort, but come one man. Really? Really though? You're just going to bolt from the cops like that? You could be Usain Bolt and you probably still wouldn't get away, let alone a 45-year-old rapper who would barely even stand up for a blowjob anymore.

Congrats, you just turned a possible DUI into a felony for an extra 2.5 seconds of freedom. Well played sir, well played.

Update: Too Short Says He Was Trying to Run Home During Arrest

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