Fails of the Week: Kanye vs. TMZ (Again), Ariana Grande’s (Maybe) Black Dildo & More Posted by Nathan S. on 09/27/13 | Filed under Humor, Fails of the Week, Fails

The dictionary defines "Schadenfreude" as pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. In that case, we're about to get Schadenfreude like a motherfucker up in this piece.

For the latest edition of "Fails of the Week" (aka your favorite running column that doesn't involve mystery booty) I tackle Kanye's latest run in with TMZ, that large black thing in the background of an Ariana Grande selfie and much more. 

Enjoy...

Kanye vs. Blood Sucking Mosquitos

There's, no shit, been a lot of talk today about "crazy Kanye", but you know what's completely fucking reasonable? Yelling at paparazzi camped in front of your garage at 4 AM. Fuck that, fuck TMZ and fuck the paparazzi. 

I would have been in full support of a Yeezy suplex again (even though that's not really what happened the last time). By the way, where the fuck are Kanye's bodyguards? Isn't this exactly what security is for? To keep people away from you that you don't want to deal with? Shit, I'm 150 pounds and I can scare off some paparazzi, how isn't Yeezy surrounded by ex-Navy Seal? 

Once Ariana Grande Goes Black...

All praise due to the fine folks at Smoking Section for this one. While at first glance this would appear to be just your usual Instagrm picture of Ariana Grande, a closer look - and I mean an obsessively detail oriented closer look - reveals something in the bottom left corner that's....is that?....no....a black dildo?....it couldn't be....but maybe it is....it's probably just a hair curler or something....but what if it's not.....

And just like that, #ProtectAriana is a real thing in the world interwebs. 

Sweet Pea Ain't So Sweet

So...this one time Ravens reciever Jacoby Jones went on a "party bus" and a stripper/hostess/person who gets on party buses with NFL players presumably in exchange for U.S. currency named "Sweet Pea" (that's her in black on the far left) cracked him over the head with a bottle, leading to severe enough bleeding that an ambulance was called for Jones. 

Also on the bus? Bryant McKinnie, he of the legendary Vikings Sex Cruise. Sometimes life, at least life when you're in the NFL, is far stranger than fiction. On the plus side, Sweet Pea just became the most popular stripper in Miami. 

(p.s. - Who's girl in the Ravens jersey in the middle? One of these things is not like the others.)

This Week in Randomly Terrible Rap:

New segment. Every week I'll search "terrible rap" on YouTube and post the best, and/or most terrible, rap I can come across. This week, here's a little slice of audio joy from the one and only Lafear (aka Dirty Black). Warning, he hopes you like this, but if you don't, fuck you. 

The Best of the Rest: 

Rihanna’s Sexy, Exotic… and Law-Breaking Trip to Thailand
DMX Bursting Into Song on Dr. Phil
Frat Bro Gives Pregame Speech For The Ages
Man’s Penis Amputated After “Enthusiastic” Viagra Overdose
I Can't Stop Watching This Supercut Of Idiotic Pedestrians
A Brief History Of Adults Taking Baseballs Away From Children
Adorable Bunny Released Into Wild; Tragedy Ensues