Fails of the Week: Jay-Z Runs Miami’s Gangs, F**k List Goes Viral & More!

Schadenfreude is a psychological terms used to describe someone who takes pleasure in the failure of others (aka haters), and while I certainly didn't derive any enjoyment from some of the epic f**k ups below, they were too egregious not to be called out. In the latest of an ongoing series that will include the best...or worst...fails of the week from the world of hip-hop, sports, pop culture and beyond, I examine the Miami Police Department's belief that Jay-Z is a gang leader, the latest Yung Berg robbery, a private f**k list that's no longer private and much more....

Jay-Z Primarily Responsible for Miami's Gang Activity

Little known fact: When he's not busy talking to Warren Buffet or doing sold out shows in Yankee Stadium, Jay-Z runs 40 percent of Miami's gang activity. Or at least that's what the Miami Police Department seems to think after they released a new anti-gang billboard that primarily features Hova. (The picture's clearly modeled after this photo and this photo). The MPD's response? They have no idea where that pic came from but they're "looking into it". Miami's finest everyone. So remember Miami residents, if you see Jay-Z circa 2005 roaming the streets of your neighborhood, contact the police immediately!

(Thanks to Burmy and Eric Jaffe for the heads up.)

Yung Berg Robbed...Again

No, I'm not talking about that time Berg got robbed, or that time. Nope, you're thinking of that time, or maybe this time. That's right, the men-elf and runner up in our least respected rapper alive poll got yet another chain snatched while in London, which wouldn't necessarily merit a fail of the week....unless it was accompanied by a horrendous rap video from the dude who stole his chain. Wait, that's exactly what happened? Well then check and check.

There are two lessons to be learned here. First, Berg needs to stop leaving the house with anything more expensive than a Casio watch. And second, even when they're holding a gun, dudes with English accents sound adorable, especially when they're saying things like, "I never been a fan of Batman, but I am a fan of robbin (Robin)." Get it? Awww Rowdy T, you're just so cute I want to squeeze you.

Don't Feel Sorry For This Dude

You know what's a bad idea? Hitting a lion with a whip. Yep, that's pretty much the definition of a terrible idea. And to top it off, the hundreds of kids in attendance will now start crying every time "The Lion King" comes on TV. Well done everyone.

Duke Student Fucks Up, Private Fuck List Goes Viral. Fuck

I don't want to say I saved the best for last but.....As Duke student Karen Owen went through her "educational" experience she kept detailed notes on everyone she fucked, including a number of Duke athletes, and then hilariously compiled those notes into a graduation thesis. The "thesis" was never supposed to go beyond a couple of friends, but this being the internet age it's now gone completely viral, infuriating both university officials and the players named in the report (expect, presumably, the ones described as being "well equipped.). Oops. A small sample is below, and the full thesis can be found here. Enjoy.