Breakdown Beatdown: Is Nelly’s Guest Verse on “Lose Control” the Worst of All-Time? Posted by Nathan S. on 01/04/11 | Filed under Top Stories, Features, Breakdown Beatdown, Nelly

I was wondering what the first Breakdown Beatdown of the year was going to be, and then I was listening to Keri Hilson's new album for a review on the mothership and came across what has to be considered, and I'm not exaggerating here, one of the worst guest verses of all-time. (Kanye voice - "Of all time!") congratulations Nelly, your terribleness has now reached historical levels. O let's do it.

Beatdown is below the song. The horribleness begins at the 2:15 mark.


"I gotta pay / How much? / Hundred thousand dollar, two hundred thousand / You name it"

First, I'm pretty sure he just called Keri Hilson a prostitute, which she doesn't seem to particularly mind. Ok then. Second, I don't care how rich you are, two hundred thousand dollars is way, way too much to pay a hooker, even one as hot as Keri. I don't care if they're twin Cirque de Soliel acrobats who both look like Rosa Acosta, that's crazy talk. Even Richard Gere in "Pretty Woman" didn't drop that kind of cash for Jula Roberts. My advice to hookers getting picked up by Nelly? Charge him eleven million dollars. He'd apparently pay.

"Beemer, Benz, or Bentley, / Bugatti body, you claim it"

And she gets a car too! Sweet baby jesus. I hope Nelly has an accountant who can put stop to this kind of reckless spending or it's only a matter of time until he gets MC Hammered (a.k.a. bankrupt).

"And all of it depends / On the way you shaking your anus."

Ex-fucking-cuse me? I just mean...what? What??? Right off the top, I really don't need to know about Nelly's sexual preferences like that. And I don't mean to get overly technical here, but how, exactly, does one "shake" their anus. The surrounding booty can certainly move, but the anus itself is pretty much stationery. (For the record, I can't believe I just wrote that either.)

"Had to valet park it to red carpet / I'll make you famous"

So here's the real question. Did he think of the "anus" line first and then think to rhyme it with "famous", or vice-versa? It's a pretty bad look either way, but one's significantly worse than the other. For the record, this is why I'm not allowed to interview people on the mothership. My first question to Nelly would be, "So, anus/famous, huh?'

"You looking fancy huh / Lil mama have reindeer bambi huh"

At what point do we start to get legitimately concerned for Nelly's mental health? So....he prefers women with antlers? I haven't been this confused since the end of "Inception".

"?? huh"

Your guess is as good as mine. Sounds kind of like "Meyer Lanksy huh", but why Nelly would be referencing famed mob account Meyer Lansky is beyond me. Then again, that'd actually be the least strange thing about this verse.

"I'm sixty nine, right mind / Nasty ma, na-na-nasty ma / Now you can play wit it, play wit it / And you gon get it / Have your legs split it, you say get it / and I'm gon git it girl"

I want you to read that again. Then I want you to think about how much money you make at your job. Then I want you to think about how much money Nelly got paid to say that line. Now I want you to become furious.

"Let me see you shake it, wind it, control it / Bring it around / Take your cellphone / You say now and it's going down."

I give up. Someone kill me.