Weekly Re-Up: Porn Star Dream Dates, With Lisa Ann Rob Ford Is Back & More… Posted by Lucas G. on 01/24/14 | Filed under Top Stories, Humor, Weekly Re-Up, General Awesomeness, Fails

Listen, it's Friday, we get it. Nobody really wants to do anything that involves using your brain. So the new "Weekly Re-Up" will provide you with both the biggest "Fails" and the most awesome "General Awesomeness", as well as some other must see shit from the week, and of course some boobs. We will also be including a "Weekend Rewind" selection to give you something to listen to this weekend. It's a whole lot of everything.

Now let's get started...

General Awesomeness:

Got MILF?

A date with a porn star is right up there with trip to the Playboy Mansion on the list of stuff teenage boys (and grown men for that matter) dream of that will never, ever happen (unless you are Nathan apparently). Well in this glorious internet age, with a clever sign and social media, anything is possible. Earlier this year on College Gameday, infamous for the creative signs in the background, Oklahoma St. student, Matt McGan, won best sign of 2013 with his "Baylor's defense has more holes to fill than Lisa Ann" sign (close to the bottom left in the picture above). For those who don't know, Lisa Ann is a porn star famous for her MILF status. Well, of course Lisa Ann caught wind and reached out to him on Twitter and before you know it, Matt was headed to the AVN Awards in Las Vegas as Lisa's date.

 

Well shit...lucky son of a bitch! I just wrote a whole piece on porn stars and I get no invites, no thank yous, nothing. C'mon Sasha, I am pretty sure you owe me at least three dates. In all seriousness, what a heart warming story. Guy went from living in Oklahoma to spending his nights in Vegas with a porn star on his arm; a hero that every twenty-something can root for. It's been a pretty porn-y week here at RefinedHype, what with porn stars in music videos, Playboy mansion stories, and "Find Her"s, so I figured this was really the only way to kick off the "Re-Up".

Ashes to Vinyl, Dust to Dust

Via Consequence of Sound:

When you die, barring any special addendums to your will, you’re probably going to be either buried or cremated. (Oh, how I mourn the foregone days of funeral pyres!) But why go out like some commoner, rotting in the ground like so much worm food or having your urn occupy precious mantle space? Why not ensure your earthly remains actually serve some greater purpose (sans science) by getting them pressed into a vinyl record.

I always thought I would want to be buried, but then I hear stories about people dying then coming back to life later, or I watch "Kill Bill" and I just don't think it's for me. The odds might be slim, but it is a risk I refuse to take. On the other hand, being cremated is kind of weird. I mean I'll definitely be dead so that's a plus, but then what happens with my ashes? I don't want to be stuck on some mantle or spread out in some park somewhere.  Maybe I want my head frozen, but that technology doesn't effectively exist...yet. I guess the only thing left for me to do is be turned into a vinyl record. This honestly don't sound like the worst option ever. Except I wouldn't want to be turned into a record that plays some crap I recorded or my voice (because who needs that). I want to be pressed into a copy of my favorite song and placed in a record store; it's like hip-hop reincarnation. Who ever buys International Players Anthem or  Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay (seems like a good song to be), that's who I want to have my ashes. Kinda fucking poetic no?

Best Of The Rest:
Ice Cube's Name On Goodyear Blimp In Honor Of "It Was A Good Day"
Katy Perry Covers GQ
Keifer Sykes Is 5-Foot-11 And A Dunking Maestro
Watch Marco Polo & DJ Revolution Nerd Out & Dig In the Crates
Drakeweather.com

Fails Of The Week:

Bad Boy Biebz

Yeah I know you are all sick of Bieber, hence the Biebz ban, but we are going to make an amendment. The only time Bieber will be mentioned on this site is in the "Fail" section. I was going to avoid it all together, but it just doesn't seem right to let this go. I know i have been a Bieber defender int he past but honestly I just don't give a shit anymore. Oh what a surprise you give a 22 year old money, fame, a fancy car and a model and he turns out to be a total d-bag? I never would have guessed. Pretty much the only good thing to come out of this whole debacle is this gif (which may or may not give you nightmares); he looks just like fucking Miley. I officially reached my breaking point when I saw Bieber news on CNN and Fox News.

What's that? NSA? Phone tapping? Nah fuck that, Bieber is at a bond hearing! I guess the logic is sound, what the fuck is the NSA going to over hear when all people are talking about is Bieber? I would expect this on E! or Bravo or some shit, but on a major news network?! Sure what Bieber did was kind of absurd, but to me, the worst part about it all is the media's reaction. In NO way, shape, or form is this "news". Oh yeah I forgot they were run by a bunch of stoners. Bieber really isn't the "Fail" here, although he's drag racing towards Lindsay Lohan status. It's everyone's obsession that really pisses me off.

Rob Ford

Rob Ford is pissed he didn't win Fail of 2013 and he's out for blood. I have so many basic, logistical questions when it comes to Mayor Ford. First, to quote Nathan ,"I genuinely don't understand how he's still the mayor". Like, how does he still have a job? If Nathan thought I smoked crack he would probably fire me, and I am a rap blogger; this guy is the mayor of a major world city. What is the last straw? Second, how did he end up at this restaurant? I hope to god he didn't drive. Is there someone who just follows him around and deals with all of his shit?  Also, I'm still not convinced this isn't fake. He sounds like one of those NBA/NFL "A Bad Lip Reading"  or McDonald's commercials where they dub over what they player are actually saying ad that Jamaican accent is spot on. This is almost too good to be real.  You would think he would calm down by now but he just keeps right on truckin'. As long as Mayor Ford is still smoking crack and doing a Jamaican accent, we will never be out of Fail material; praise you, Mayor Ford.

Worst Of The Rest:
Only Weirdos Will Love The Sex With Glass App For Google Glass
Wale Pens Open Letter, Talks Haters, Frustrations And Insecurities
Andrea Bargnani Is Out Indefinitely; We Made Him A Tribute Video (Worst Dunk Ever??)
"Diehard" Soccer Fans Pretend To Know Players Who Don't Exist
 

Weekly Soundtrack:

I normally try to give you some dope hip-hop to listen to in this segment, but not this week. Lately, I have been really getting into jazz. I randomly put on a Duke Ellington record I hadn't listened to and ever since, I have really fucking with Jazz; it just feels right. Honestly, I'm not too well-versed in who to listen to, so I have been sticking with the basic big names. I came across an album of John Coltrane and Duke Ellington, two of the bigger Jazz legends and have been really enjoying it. "In A Sentimental Mood" is definitely one of my favorite pieces of music. It is great chill-out music and I find it is best to listen to right before bed. It doesn't make me fall asleep in a boring kind of way, but it is just so relaxing and a great way to clear the mind. I could really see myself getting on a heavy jazz kick soon. Go on and give it a try. Also Illinois Jaquet's "Harlem Nocturne" is a banger (yes I said banger to describe a jazz song).

Comment Of The Week:

Anytime you turn an Outkast song into a play on words you are guaranteed to make into the comment of the week. Which is exactly why I chose RefinedHype regular, TheG's, comment on the Beats Music piece:

Fuck that 120 a year, i'ma stay with Spotiottiedopaliciousify for free just to stream every Outkast album. I only stream music when i want to find out if it's worth to cop or not. Or maybe an album i don't have and like. So nah! Dre ain't getting no moe's of my moneys if he don't drop Detox. (or a good 50 album, i don't cop Em's anymore).

If Spotify isn't already on the phone with lawyers to get the named changed to  "Spotiottiedopaliciousify" this very second then I consider their whole venture a colossal failure.

Booty Of The Week:

Have you had a chance to check out the new HBO show True Detective? No? Well you should. Why? Not only does it star Woody Harrelson and Matthew David McConaughey but it also stars Alexandra Daddario? Who the fuck is that? Only the new star of the show thanks to scenes like the one from last episode. This scene gives Fast Times At Ridgemont High a run of it's money. or all those who want to see her in all her glory, click here (NSFW obviously). Great acting and great boobs...this is a show I can get behind. Much love to our friends at Smoking Section for the spot. 

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