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Hold On, We’re Going to Remake “Scarface” for Drake

Posted by Lucas G. on 09/24/13 | Filed under Humor, Drake

We have done a lot of talking about Drake this past week, which of course means we have been making fun of him a lot too. Hey it’s not our fault he gives us endless material, we are just giving the people what the want. Well it looks like Drake is fed up with all the "softer than a bubble bath" jokes, because with the new video for “Hold On We’re Going Home” Drake finally drops that Degrassi image and is opting for a tough guy image which reads more like an action movie than a music video.

Considering the vibe of the cut, I was expecting a more typical romantic video for the song, but was presently surprised. The visuals might not exactly fit the cut but they are creative, different and unique. Well, maybe not too unique considering the 1980s Miami setting, the mansion, and of course the club all had me thinking this was a "Scarface" remake. Of course Drake and "Scarface" are essentally polar opposites, but it got me thinking, what would a Drake "Scarface" be like? So I made it. All me to present "Scarface: The Drake-rectors Cut".

The Hotel Scene:

As Manny and their other partner in crime sit in the car, talking to ladies that pass by and listening to So Far Gone, Drake is inside fighting for his life. Tied up by some velvet rope cut down from the curtains, Drake is being threatened with some pretty severe paper cuts by a group of rival mobsters looking for the secret stash of Bed Bath and Beyond hand soaps they know he has. Drake, shedding a single tear for his partner, lets out a passionate scream for his abrasion-laden compadre. The wailing is so heavenly and softening that the gangsters stop their heinous torture, alerting Manny there is trouble afoot. Manny walks in, sees everyone’s eyes welled up with tears, and decides that instead torture he should take everyone to the mall where he buys them each an Orange Julius. The group then see there is a sale at Spencer’s and a shopping montage (with Hall & Oates’ “You Make My Dreams Come True” playing in the background). Finally, it ends with them returning to the car celebrating their newfound friendship with a group air jump high-five; freeze and fade out. SCENE.

Tony Kills Manny:

Tony, feeling hurt because Manny ditched him when they were supposed to got to the premiere of "New Years Eve 2: This Time It’s Personal”, speeds around town, wiping tears from his eyes, eventually showing up to Manny’s front door in the pouring rain. He pounds on the door screaming “Manny!” loud enough to get Manny's attention, but not too loud as too disturb his neighbors. Finally Manny opens the door and Drake sees his sister behind him. With rose petals on the floor, some really expensive season Yankee Candles ignited, and Boyz II Men in the background, he knows exactly what is going on here. Drake: “Manny, how could you deceive me like this? I am extremely hurt!”
Manny: “Drizzy, I know I should have told you but since you just broke up with Janet, I didn’t think now was the best time to tell you that Gina and I are in love and getting married”.

Drake now excited at the thought of all the floral arrangements, fancy dresses and suits, linen tablecloths, and wedding music, changes from forlorn to ecstatic. He and Manny embrace, hold each others arms and jump up and down squealing like little girls (Gina rolls her eyes). Drake: “ I am sorry Manny. I was just jealous and am taking my own hurt feelings out on you”.

The two embrace once more and stay up until sunrise planning the wedding shower while listening to the unreleased One Direction demo. SCENE.

The Final Scene:

Drake, sprawled on his floral, satin chaise is playing his Game Boy Color when he hears the neighborhood bully open his front door and storm up the stairs. Before he and his posse of misfits can open the door, Drake busts through the door crooning “Say hello to my little friend!” as his pugnacious, scrappy yet undersized friend, Partynextdoor pops out of his pillow fort wielding two squirt guns. They begin to drench the bully, but are careful not to get their infinity scarves wet. Drake, realizing it is unfair to drench a unarmed opponent, gives the bully his extra gun and before you know it the whole neighborhood is caught up in the largest water gun fight in the town’s history; even old man Miller (cameo from Clint Eastwood) can’t help but smile as he sees them running about. After a quick fade out we find our hero, still dripping, writing in his diary…the title of this entry? Best Summer EVER! Credits Roll...

Those are just 3 of the many scenes from the leaked "Scarface: The Drake-rectors Cut" set to hit VHS by the middle of next year, but they're still recruiting writers for the Drake remake. Feel free to re-write some of your favorite "Scarface" scenes, tailored to Drizzy. This movie will never be the same.