In retrospect, giving Kanye West
a Twitter account is like giving a little kid with ADD a box of Pixie Stix (completely out of control, but in an amusing way). For those who may have missed it, or didn't have the five hours to devote to reading it, this weekend Yeezy decided to completely ignore the central concept of Twitter - short messages - and go into a 71 tweet long explanation/rant/mental breakdown rehashing the TaylorSwift gate. Let's be honest, you don't really want to read the whole thing. Well thankfully you've got me. In the latest of our "
The Real..." series, I not-so-proudly present Kanye's Twitter explosion line by line, translated for easier reading. (If the lines is in quotes it's verbatim from Ye himself.)
"Man I love Twitter... I've always been at the mercy of the press but no more... The media tried to demonize me"
The media is conspiring against me, they want to ruin my career
See above
People write
all the time about how much of a d-bag I am
Some deep shit about perception vs. reality
See above
I'm not racist, though I have to accept that my actions have made some people think so. "walk with me..."
Remember
that shit I said about George Bush? That was awesome.
I was drunk and
said some crazy shit, now y'all treat me like George Bush.
"How deep is the scar"? Well, I lost a shit ton of money.
Seriously, a shit ton.
People really didn't like me
"Anchor Man"
reference
I mean, they really don't like me
I talked to a white girl one time, she thought I was racist
Perception vs. reality, part two. "I've been straying from this subject on twitter but I have to give it to you guys raw now"
Google my name and you'll see that people think I'm a total d-bag
"Some people say... Why worry about "the haters?" This is bigger that just the concept of haters"
My music is the greatest music ever made. Ever. In history. Ever
I'll probably sell less albums now. Fucking media
The media is racist
Man, I miss the days when I could perform with Justin Timberlake.
People tweeted me death threats. Ok, so they were "tweeted" death threats, but that's still kind of f-ed up.
That hurt my feelings
"I wrote a song for Taylor Swift that's so beautiful and I want her to have it. If she won't take it then I'll perform it for her" [Editor's Note: This is a horrible idea.]
My bad Taylor Swift.
Did I mention that Twitter is awesome?!
Taylor and I both got used by the media
I need to stop taking myself so seriously, which is ironic, because nothing says taking yourself seriously like an extended Twitter rant.
There are a few people who don't hate me
For example, some people named their kids after me.
Sorry about that people who named their kids after me.
Fuck the Dixie Chicks. Also, I love Justin Timberlake.
Hit me up JT. Let's do a tour again. Come on. I really need it.
Forget everything I said about race in America, that's not true. It's not about race.
Also, when I said I need to stop taking myself so seriously, forget that too. I am the center of the universe.
"Who's seen the play Wicked? I've seen it 4 times!"
I'm totally feeling the Wicked Witch of the West
Believe me, I'm never going to drunkenly interrupt someone getting an award again.
I know now that's not cool.
For a dude who's over 30, I can act like a kid sometimes.
I need to grow up.
Some more stuff about me
Yo Beyonce and Taylor, my bad.
"These aren't regular tweets... this is stream of consciousness ... I want you guys to know and feel where my head is at..."
Random "Heat" reference
By the way, this ill-advised rant is completely my idea.
A Facebook reference that doesn't really make sense.
You aren't tired of me talking about Taylor Swift, right? Good, cause I'm just getting started!
Another apology
By the way, when I talk about myself in the 3rd person, I'm not serious. I don't really talk about myself in the 2rd person.
Blah, blah, blah, another apology.
Those death threats were crazy though.
Let's look at who really benefited from my drunken bufoonery. The media! That's who.
YOU KNOW I'M ANGRY BECAUSE I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS!!!!!
I probably shouldn't be writing this
ANGRY!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Come on, I know at least a couple people agreed with me about the Taylor Swift thing. She totally shouldn't have won.
Hey, at least it made for good television.
"Why was it made into such a race issue. Taylor loves rap music." Ok, I don't know if she actually loves rap, but it helps prove my point, so I'm sticking to it.
I'M WRITING ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT'S LOVE OF RAP IN ALL CAPS!!!
What really sucks is my biggest records have been crossover hits, and now it's almost impossible for me to crossover
I cry real tears
Really, I do. You should see me. I'm like a chick who just got dumped eating a bowl of Ben & Jerrys. That's how much I cry.
Why can't you see how hurt I am? *tear*
I only want to help make the world a better place...and be famous...and fuck models.
I want to make people smile...like models...after I fuck them.
I want mainstream white America to buy my new album
So let me say this
"I'm sorry Taylor"
