Rap Game…of Thrones Posted by Lucas G. on 01/14/14 | Filed under Humor, Rap Game, Television

Fuck football, the Golden Globes, HBO's new show, or pretty much anything that happened on Sunday; the Lord's day was all about the new Game Of  mother-fucking Thrones trailer. Yeah I know it was only like a 3 minute trailer, but still, it's hard not to be excited. My first thought after the trailer was "holy sweet baby Jesus, how the fuck am I going to wait until Apri". It's clear RefinedHype has melted my brain because my next thought was, "I wonder what rappers would make good Game Of Thrones characters..."

You know the drill by now, I say a character give you their rapper soulmate and explain it perfectly so that there is no way you can disagree (yeah right). So let's dig in. Oh yeah, I tried to be as non-specific as possible, but be careful of spoilers if you haven't watched the show or read the books.

King Joffrey- Kanye West

Arrogant, a short fuse, overinflated sense of self-worth, cocky, whiny, and always needs to get his way or heads will roll. I could just stop there, but for argument's sake I will go on. You may hate king Joffrey but he is the most powerful man in Westeros. I know his family kind of pull his strings, but when push comes to shove, it is Joffrey's kingdom to rule whether you like it or not. Kanye is the exact same. You may hate to admit it because  of all the tantrums and diatribes, but Kanye has more influence than anyone else in this hip-hop kingdom, and he is damn good at keeping it. So too is Joffrey who might be a conniving little shit, but knows how to stay in power; red wedding anyone? You may hate it and want to punch both of them in the face but you can't deny they are the most powerful, influential people in their kingdoms. Plus the Kardashians are essentially the Lannisters so both have crazy families to deal with.

Jaime Lannister- Jay Z

Ah the King Slayer. Perhaps the biggest celebrity in Westeros. Though his days of king slaying are long behind him, people still think of him when they hear the word knight. Once a valiant fighter, Jaime's now more of a celebrity or legend than anything else; the name, the brand means more than the person. Once one of the top rappers in the game Jay Z's skills have declined, but still there is no bigger celebrity in the hip-hop game than Jigga; when random old white ladies know who you are, you sir, are a celebrity. Jay Z really took on that celebrity role and as a result we know him less as that drug pushing rapper and more as the Tom Ford/Hublot wearing art connoisseur. Jaime and Jay are both legends, yet neither one really does what made them famous anymore, but that won't stop them from being influential and legendary. Not sure how the whole incest thing factors in, but I know one thing, Cersei couldn't even hold Beyonce's chamber pot.

Tyrion Lannister- Eminem

Being a white rapper in the '90s and early 00s was alot like being a "half-man" in Game Of Thrones' time. Though he is smart, witty, calculating, and has a way with words, Tyrion got very little respect from his family and pretty much anyone in the kingdom. Though Eminem is one of the smartest emcees around (and definitely has a way with words) he too was shunned along time for his physical appearance. People didn't take him seriously because he was white and people constantly sleep on Tyrion because he is a half-man. The two also share a love for getting fucked up and enjoy the ladies; I could seem them hitting it off very well. The cherry on the top is their family issues. Between a sister that tried to kill him, a dad that hates him, I'd say they aren't exactly a Leave It To Beaver type family. Eminem knows what that's like thanks to Kim, his mom, aunts and uncles, and his dad. Both are talented and cunning but get dismissed because of something physical, love to drink, and have some serious family issues to work out, I'd say Em is the perfect Tyrion.

Khaleesi- Kendrick Lamar

Ain't nobody fucking with Khaleesi. The baddest bitch in the universe just goes around with her Dragons vanquishing her opponents and stays true to her sense of honor and justice, which has created quite the following. Kendrick is the exact same, but a guy (and no dragons). From a million guest spots to "Control" Kendrick has put the game on notice and though he is popular he still hasn't lost his way which is why people worship him. Though neither are the top dog yet, the only thing between them and the throne is time. Other emcees should be scared of Kendrick because he isn't afraid to put them in their place and challenge them. If I were the Lannister's I would be shaking in my boots, worrying about when, not if, Khaleesi is going to come take wha'ts hers. If I were a big name emcee, I would be praying that Kendrick wasn't going to call me out and come for my head. Both are hungry, talented, ambitious, ruthless yet just and no matter how big they get they will never sacrifice their values for success which has made both beloved amongst the people. Sure Kendrick is a guy and will probably get burned if he touches fire, but everything else is the exact same.

Bran Stark- Chance The Rapper

Though many still don't know his name, those who do know that Chance The Rapper is going to change the game in years to come with a totally unique and different skill set. Now, Bran is in no mans land, and only a few people know about his ability to fuck shit up with his visions and mind powers, but soon, he will play an integral role in shaping Westeros. What that is exactly, I am not sure, but you just know he is going to do big things. Who knows where Chance will be in 5 years, but like Bran, you know he will make a difference with his different style. Granted Chance can walk, but he got his start too after something disastrous. If he didn't get suspended from school and make "10 Day", who knows where he would be now. If Bran didn't take that fall, he wouldn't have gotten his powers, and who knows if he would be where he is today.

Well, I think that's a damn good list, but judging from past experience, y'all with think I'm nuts. I'm excited to hear what you guys have to think and be sure to include some of your own ideas for characters. Bonus RefinedHype points to whoever thinks of the Rap Game Khal Drogo and Theon Greyjoy. Remember...winter is coming!

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