Sex, Relationships & F**king: Solving One Woman’s Fake Orgasm Problem Posted by Nathan S. on 07/08/13 | Filed under Girls, Sex & Relationships

When I started "Sex, Relationships & Fucking" I didn't have any grander goals than to make some sex jokes, and if in the process I just so happened to loosen the strangle hold crappy women's magazines (Cosmo, Glamour, etc.) seemed to have over women's minds, all the better.

But I certainly never thought anyone would take my wang jokes as actual life advice, let alone actively write me with a question. And yet, for the second time, that's exactly what happened:

"Okay, so here's the thing! Women's columns aren't working, & figured I'd give this a shot! I'm a 24 yr old female with a sex drive that is always in over drive! But every time I am having sex, I can NEVER get off! I've tried everything and end up faking it so he doesn't feel bad! Have you ever heard of this problem?!

I can get myself off by both clit & gspot stimulation! So I'm definitely not just broken!! It's kind of funny, the few guys I've been with think just bc I get so wet that I have gotten off, but it's not the case! And just so you know, I've tried pretty much everything!!! Toys, positions, men, women. It just doesn't work!" - Melissa W

Well Melissa W, and everyone else reading this, first let me do that disclaimer thing where I say that if you actually follow anything I write, and your life turns into a smoldering, orgasm-less pile of ruins, I'm not responsible. As long as we're clear that whatever you choose to do, or not do, with your genitalia is solely your decision, we can proceed.

Usually, when a woman can't orgasm during sex, it turns out she doesn't orgasm solo either. Maybe she's too nervous/ashamed to try, maybe she's bought into the "A guy's penis should be able to bring me to orgasm, soley on the strength of its magical penetration abilities" myth. But either way, for those women the only real solution is to masturbate. A lot. Like it's a part time job, like you should be taking a lunch break from masturbating you can come back to masturbating well nourished. Once you know how to get yourself off, it will be exponentially easier to get off with someone else, and teach them how to get you off.

That's clearly not applicable to you....so....damnit. There goes the easy answer, and my go-to "it's all in your hands" joke. Judging by your email you're a masturbation pro, which makes it a little befuddling that you have so much trouble with someone else. And it's not even necessarily the over-dependence-on-penis problem, since you say you've tried toys and women as well.

Hmmmmm.......



This feels like an obvious question considering you don't exactly sound sexually shy, but you're trying to get yourself during sex, right? I'm assuming so, but since it's not a physiological problem (good news), I can only assume it's more of a mental block than anything. These dumb guys who can't tell you're faking (more on that later) clearly aren't helping, but ultimately it still comes down to you. Forget what anyone else can do, what tricks and origami positions they can bust out, you're the single biggest factor in your own orgasm (more good news).

You need to figure out how to bridge gap between solo orgasms and partner orgasms - maybe the best start is by literally doing so. Find a partner and masturbate in front of them, to orgasm. I can pretty much guarantee a guy will find watching you hot, hopefully you will to, and you're establish some "orgasming in bed with this person" karma. So even if you fuck make sweet, sweet love after and he (or she) doesn't get you off, you'll already have an orgasm under your proverbial belt, and having one can often make the next one easier.

It's by no means the final solution, you'll obviously want to find someone who can get you off, and even the most progressive guy will find it emasculating to not be able to get you off for extended amounts of time, but it's a start.

And if you've already tried that too then I don't know what to tell you, it turns out that I'm not a sex expert but a guy who occasionally writes about sex on the interwebs. I hope this helped, or at least helped someone else in a similar position. Regardless, I just did my "job" by advocating that someone masturbate until they have to wear one of those carpal tunnel wrist braces, so I'm doing just fine.

On a quick closing note, I've touched (figuratively) on this topic before, but if you're a women, I completely understand why you fake orgasms. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. And guys, while there are some notable ways to tell for sure (hint, ignore the moaning and watch to see if her abs are clenching), let the occasionally faked orgasm slide. But while all the "intimacy" stuff that can come from sex is nice and fine, let's be real, the point of sex is to orgasm; no one goes to a restaurant, eats an appetizer, and then walks away satisfied. So if you're faking an orgasm with the same person for a prolonged about of time, all you're doing is robbing yourself of an entree, and robbing then of the chance to do make you a delicious meal.

And on that note, I'm going to bring this a close before this sex-food metaphor gets anymore convoluted. And if anyone want me to totally not at all help their sex life too, feel free to email [email protected]. Until next time, happy sex, relationships and fucking.