Fails of the Week: Angelina Jolie’s (WTF) Topless Pic, Tyga Short on Cash Money & More Posted by Nathan S. on 04/19/13 | Filed under Top Stories, Humor, Fails of the Week, Fails

The dictionary defines "Schadenfreude" as pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. In that case, we're about to get Schadenfreude like a motherfucker up in this piece.

For the latest edition of "Fails of the Week" (aka your favorite running column that doesn't involve random hot girls) I tackle Tyga's admission that Cash Money has neither paid him cash nor money, Angelina Jolie's equestrian topless pic and more.

Enjoy...

No Racks City, Population, Tyga


Wait, I'm sorry Tyga, say that again? You've never gotten a royalty check from Cash Money? As in...never...ever...ever?

Sweet baby jesus, that's insane. If you sign to Cash Money the deal appears to be that you'll get a lot of publicity, and hopefully you can flip that into tour money, endorsement deals, etc., but you're not gonna directly get a fucking dollar from Birdman (terrible face tattoos aren't cheap, he needs every dollar).

Maybe all those rumors about Drake not getting paid by Cash Money either aren't so...rumory.

The World According to Rocko


Here's what Rocko said: “Ross is on the record. People like ‘Man, why you took Ross off?’ No, I didn’t take Ross off. Ross is on the record. I got multiple versions of the record. If you know what multiple mean… Ross is gonna always be on that record. Whenever I perform that record, Ross verse gon’ play.”

If Rocko said the truth: "Let me make one thing clear: I did NOT invent a time machine, travel back in time and NOT pay Rick Ross to record a verse for my song. That's what didn't happen. I will definitely play the Rick Ross version when it doesn't matter. But as soon as someone who might potentially pay me asks me to take Ross off, I'll drop that fat mofo with a speed that will astound you."

Worst...Topless..Angelina Jolie...Pic...Ever


Listen, I'm only human a man. When I see a headline like "New Angelina Jolie Topless Photo Revealed" I click on that shit like my life depended on it. And then, I see this.

What the fuckity fuck mcfuckistanis is this? A picture of a horse nibbling on Jolie's titties like they were coated in sugar cubes? This is the topless pic I was so excited to see? I haven't been this disappointed since I found out Krispy Kreme was a hoax.

Every Man's Dream


Oh, so that explains why the girl in every bukkake video I've ever seen has such nice skin. (Oh, I'm supposed to give some sort of bukkake joke warning now? I think you can just expect it as a constant possibility.)

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