Fails of the Week: The New Worst Rap Video Ever, Guard Alligators & More

I Gotta Get Me A Guard Alligator

This is one of those stories that could have easily also gone in “General Awesomeness”.

On one hand, dude (Assif Mayr) straight up had a guard alligator keeping watch over his stash. A motherfucking guard alligator! Gotta give the man bonus point, especially when he claimed when questioned that he bought “the alligator in 1996 ‘to commemorate the death of rapper Tupac Shakur,’” and named him Mr. Teeth, because of course he did.

On the other hand, said guard alligator apparently didn’t do shit, at least not when the DEA comes knocking. Dude went straight to jail, and Mr. Teeth went straight to the zoo, where he died that same night.

Ultimately though, any story that ends with someone in jail, a dead alligator and 34 pounds of confiscated marijuana has to be considered a fail. It’s a real shame.