I’m Way More Interested in This “Teen Mom” Sex Tape Than I Should Be Posted by Nathan S. on 05/07/13 | Filed under Top Stories, Opinion

You'd expect me to not give a fuck about this "Teen Mom" sex tape. Hell, I'd expect me not to give a fuck, but I've found myself spending an abnormal amount of time pondering Farrah Abraham, and I bet I'm not alone.

The year was 2009, I had just launched RefinedHype, I still bothered paying for cable TV, my wife was pregnant, and MTV had just launched a new reality series, "Teen Mom". Some combination of fascination, boredom and the ability to watch TV at noon on a Tuesday while "working" somehow added up to me watching nearly every minute of season one.

Ironically, or perhaps aptly, now that I actually have a child I no longer have the time to watch "Breaking Bad", let alone "Teen Mom", but from what I can gather from the magazines that line the grocery store check out lane, things are not going well for the "Teen Mom" franchise. Or, rather, they're going fantastically for MTV's ratings, and not so great for the advancement of humanity.

One "Teen Mom", in particular, the now 21-year-oldFarrah Abraham, seems to be ever-present in the tabloids. Having already crashed and burned as a singer, crashed and burned pitching her own reality show, succeeded at picking up multiple DUIs and launched a bikini modeling career, Farrah is now finally getting serious about a career in entertainment and is traveling down the same path that launched another mega-star, selling her "sex tape" to porn giant Vivid for a reported $1 million.

There's some Neanderthal part of my brain that's interested because it involves sex, but there's some higher level functioning, however faint, that sees this as the prototypical American story in 2013; a young woman who has her reality changed so dramatically by a reality show that she now seems trapped in in a thoroughly surreal life. But either way, this story has everything America loves: sex, porn, money, parenting, sex and porn.



So here's the real blunt question I just realized I spent this entire article so far dancing around: Am I going to watch the sex tape?

Believe it or not, I really don't know. On one hand, who am I to judge what someone does to (hopefully) secure a financial future for their child. On the other hand, I'm a parent, and I can't help but jedge her (really though, you brought your kid to Vivid?). On one hand, she is kind of hot, on the other hand this has sex tapes that just ends up actually being completely depressing.

It's a classic angel and devil situation, or to put in more rap terms, a classic Eminem and Dr. Dre situation. Only time will tell which side wins, and of course an actual sex tape a Google search away is a different thing than a hypothetical, upcoming sex tape, but either way I guarantee one thing: even if I eventually claim that I didn't watch it, you won't believe me. And I won't blame you.

UPDATE: Here Are The First Stills From Farah Abraham's 'Sex Tape' [NSFW]