Please, For the Love of God, Stop Making Rap Skits: A Case Study Posted by Nathan S. on 07/09/13 | Filed under Opinion, Fails

Every man should have a bucket list, a list of things they have to do before they die. Here's mine:

1. Ask Jay-Z, "Remember when you said, me give me heart to woman, never happen, I'll be forever mackin"?
2. Be the Guy Who Sprays Rosa Acosta With Mist During a Photo Shoot
3. Put an End to Rap Skits
4. Eat at Wing Stop with Rick Ross

Numbers 1, 2 and 4 are works in progress, believe me, you'll know if I ever cross them off the list, but number 2 is something I feel like I can proactively solve right now, and I'm tired of waiting. So consider this the opening salvo in what will be an ongoing war against skits.

The case against rap skits can be made using the same best/worse case scenario formula I used when discussing the standing 69. Best case scenario, a skit is kind of funny. Worse case scenario, it ruins an album. So why do rappers so conistently risk terribleness for the possibility of mediocrity? Because every rapper thinks they're a comedian; none of them are comedians.

Now, there are rare exceptions. I think the skits on Kendrick Lamar's "GKMC" legitimately enhance the album, mostly because they avoid any attempt at humor. And the Dave Chapelle skits on Kweli's albums are classics in their own rights, but all that proves is Dave Chappelle is really funny (not exactly shocking news). But those are far more the exceptions than the rules; the rule being "every rap skit makes me want to punch a baby."

I've actively tried to avoid becoming the grumpy old rap head, but I'll fully admit that as I've aged, my tolerance for rap skits has diminished significantly - it now hovers somewhere just a shade above fucking zero. And ultimately it really comes down to realizing that you could take nearly every skit of every album ever, and the album's would be just as dope. So what are we sitting through all these shitty skits for?

But really, we only have ourselves to blame, and even some of the greatest rappers to ever live bear more than their fair share of blame for cementing the skit's place in hip-hop. Case in point...

Outkast - "Kim & Cookie" from "Stankonia"


Just to prove how un-biased I am, I'll start with "Stankonia". Sweet baby jesus it hurts to write this considering how much I love this album, and how much I genuinely enjoy the skits. The way she says "ring ring" alone is comedy gold, BUT, in the spirit of the post I have to admit that if you were to take every skit/interlude off "Stankonia", including the immortal "Kim & Cookie", the album would be just as good. In a lot of ways "Kim & Cookie" is exactly the problem - every rapper thinks they can make something as funny, almost none of them can. So yes, if it meant the end of all rap skits, I'd even be willing to cut Outkast skits.

On a related note, it's important to note that the middle section of "Toilet Tisha", which is crucial to the song's impact, ISN'T a separate skit or interlude. See, if you have something that enhances the song that's not strictly the "song", just put it in the fucking song.

Eminem - "Bitch" from "The Slim Shady LP"


"The Slim Shady LP' is a perfect example of the dangers of skits. "Paul", aka Em's staged conversations with Paul Rosenberg, would go on to become a regular part, and they did help paint the picture of Em as the against-the-grain artist. But for every "Paul" there was "Bitch", "Lounge", "Soap" etc., skits whose only real purpose were to make us wait fifteen seconds until the music returned.

If I could find a DeLorean and a Mr. Fusion, the first thing I'd do is travel back in time and convince Eminem to drop the skits. "You're too good to need filler like this," I'd tell him, and he'd nod his head knowing I'm right. Then he'd say, "Wait, where did you come from", and I'd say, "The future,", and then I'd put some sunglasses on and mysteriously walk out of the room.

Anyway....

Biggie - "Fuck Me" from "Ready to Die"


Another classic example, and yes, I did mean to use the word classic. Yes, knowing what we know about their personal relationship it's hilarious/fascinating to hear Biggie and Lil Kim "fuck", especially considering Kim's improv skills, but the last 40 times I've listened to "Ready to Die", I've skipped past this 40 times to get to "The What". The only reason I haven't just deleted it entirely from the album is that it doesn't feel right to delete something from this album, it's like fucking with an important historical document, so I'm stuck wishing "Fuck Me" had never happened.

I just know this shit was Puffy's idea. Fuck him. Fuck him to death.

Kanye West - Every Skit Off "College Dropout"

Again, for all the talk of what an undisputed classic "College Dropout" is, and let's be clear, it is an undisputed classic, people seem to conveniently gloss over how annoying the skits have become over time.

Now, I'll take the Intro, I think it sets up the theme of the album nicely. But no, Ye couldn't have just called it a day there and had to go on a skit binge at the end of the album.

Let me lay out two scenarios for you. In one scenario the album sequencing goes like this:

"Breathe In Breathe Out" (featuring Ludacris)
School Spirit (Skit 1)"
"School Spirit"
"School Spirit (Skit 2)"
"Lil Jimmy (Skit)"
"Two Words" (featuring Mos Def, Freeway & the Boys Choir of Harlem)

In the other, the sequencing goes like this:

"Breathe In Breathe Out" (featuring Ludacris)
"School Spirit"
"Two Words" (featuring Mos Def, Freeway & the Boys Choir of Harlem)

If there's a person alive who'd prefer the version with all the time-sucking skits in between the dope songs, they're probably reading this while chewing on a piece of insulation. Thankfully Kanye largely stopped using skits in his later albums; I can only assume it's because he realized what a waste of precious album minutes these goddamn skits are.

Believe me, I could be here all day naming terrible skits, but you get the point. Even hip-hop's greatest names haven't been able to resist the pull of the skit, and what's worse, their influence has convinced entire generations of worse artists to make even worse skits.

As Ghandi so wisely said, be the change you wish to see in the world. So rappers, if you're reading this, please, I beg you. You have the power to stop the (mostly) terrible legacy of skits, use that power wisely. The world, and hip-hop, will thank you.