Weekly Re-Up: Rick Ross Gives (Bad) Advice, Jhene Aiko Gets (Semi) Topless & More Posted by Lucas G. on 04/25/14 | Filed under Top Stories, Humor, Weekly Re-Up, General Awesomeness, Fails

Listen, it's Friday, we get it. Nobody really wants to do anything that involves using your brain. So the new "Weekly Re-Up" will provide you with both the biggest "Fails" and the most awesome "General Awesomeness", as well as some other must see shit from the week, and of course some boobs. We will also be including a "Weekend Soundtrack" selection to give you something to listen to this weekend. It's a whole lot of everything.

Now let's get started...

General Awesomeness:

It Ain't Hard To Sell:

The other day I got to introduce a friend to Rapsody; her favorite female emcee was Nicki Minaj. Needles to say, I felt like a god damned boss. Showing someone some real motherfucking hip-hop and having them love it is like the best feeling in the world. Right now, and all of this past week, that his been happening on an exponential scale. According to HipHopDX, Nas' Illmatic is crushing the interwebz.

Spotify reports that streams of Nas' 1994 album Illmatic have increased by 300 percent when comparing last week's figures to this week's streams. 

Sales of Illmatic have also increased, as reported yesterday (April 23). Nas' Illmatic, released April 19, 1994, sold 14,987 copies this week and experienced an 844 percent increase in sales from the previous week. To date, Illmatic has sol 1,686,232 copies in its 20 years.

Think of all those kids at Coachella, who were there for 2 Chainz, that got to experience some real fucking hip-hop. Think of all those kids that instead of streaming the new Future album, checked out Illmatic instead. if just one of them is now forever changed, than the world is a better place. People always say the new generation has no sense of what good music is, but here is proof that the youngins know good music when they hear it. Not only is it good for the youngins to get some real hip-hop, but it just goes to show how influential Illmatic is. 20 years since it's release and people are still interested in listening and buying it; that my friends is what a real classic is. As a hip-hop head, this has to make you feel good in your soul; this is the best news I have heard all week.

Breaking News: I Got a Pocket Full OF Rubbers And My Homeboys Do Too:
Death, taxes, and news anchors being hip-hopified. Now, this still isn't as great as this guy (the best rap/news blend in history) but it's pretty damn close. When it comes to the internetz there are very few things that still resonate with me. Show me a video of a guy getting sucker punched or somebody tripping balls at a concert and I won't bat an eye, but put on a video of someone falling or a news anchor rapping and it's guaranteed to go over well with me. So when Brian Williams, NBC News' most well-respected anchor was chopped and screwed to make a "Gin and Juice" dub, I was 100% on board. The edited was perfect; they made him say things no news anchor could ever say without being immediately fired. That editor needs an Oscar or Nobel Prize or something. What makes it even better is the reception from all parties, including Brian Williams. Yup, the man responsible for giving America important news is on board. Normally these are good for an internal laugh, but this one had me cracking up.

Could he be any cooler? I haven't watched the news in years, but I'm going to start now. The best part was when he said he wanted to be dubbed to Luda's "Roll Out", someone needs to make it happen now. Better yet, he could just rap it; I would pay good money to see that. Anyway, just another reason why hip-hop is the coolest; bringing news anchors and rappers together since 1973. Oh and in case you were wondering, Snoop is 100% on board.

In Case You Missed It:
I Shot a Gun For the First Time & Didn’t Die
Face Paint, Mosh Pits & Boobs: My First Strange Music Show

Best Of The Rest:
A Woman Painted Album Covers on Her Own Face and the Result is Amazing
Hockey Player Gives Away His Stick; Makes a Kids Life
Kevin Durant hits the most amazing clutch 4-point-play EVER
I Can't Stop Staring at These Vape Trick Videos

Fails Of The Week:

Ask A Bawse:
Here at RefinedHype, we know a lot about hip-hop, but there are plenty of other things we are expert amateurs at, like, for example, giving advice. Well, Ok, Nathan is the resident advice giver guy, but still, even I am more qualified tog ive advice than Rick Ross. But because I don't have my own record label and a constant IV drip filled with Baskin Robbins/Mcflurry cocktails, I don't get one. Rick Ross however, certainly deserves one. Nobody is more in touch with the common folk and their problems than a guy who makes more money than 90% of America... and weighs more too.

This is some of the worst advice I have ever heard. Sure, girls don't care if you smoke weed for the same reason they don't care about almost being crushed during sex, you are rich as shit. I'm sure this guys girlfriend wouldn't mind him smoking every now and then if he had a job and did something with his life, but Joe from Denver is probably too busy binging on legal weed to hit the job market. Also, what in the fuck is Boss mode? Get really mad, eat three racks of ribs and sit on the haters? You would think the people actually writing this would try to make Ross make sense, but they leave him hanging like his titties in a game of shirts and skins. These are also terrible questions. I don't need advice on Ross about paternal relations. If I need help finding out what kind of chocolate syrup is best on my bacon or how to stop my man boobs from chafing while waking up a flight of stairs, I'll go to Ross, but not for actual things. Besides, wouldn't an advice column in Julia Childs cookbook seems much more up his alley? I'm just impressed he can type considering the girth of his cookie crumb covered fingers.

Related

Drake Keeps Rolling

I didn't want to write about this. I really didn't. It's been too much Drizzy for me lately, and I am sure you all are getting sick of it too, but I can't help if he does something this ridiculous. Really, I'm left with no other choice. When you break out a god damn lint roller while sitting court side at an NBA game you are going to be a fail of the week. Fuck, when you break out a lint roller anytime, anywhere, you are going to be a fail of the week. Who the fuck uses a mother fucking lint roller? I don't think I have ever even held one, let alone used it in public. Did he borrow it from his grandma? There is zero logic behind this. You ave been under a microscope for the past few weeks and are already considered softer than Charmin, so what's your solution? Break out a lint roller. Did Drake just had that in his pocket the whole time, or was it tucked away in his fanny pack or man-purse?

Also, how the fuck did he get covered in lint? I have been to plenty of basketball games and lint has never been an issue, in fact, I don't think I have ever had an article of clothing so covered in lint that I wished I had a lint roller. Who is he trying to impress? Drake could go out in a potato sack and still attract anyone. Think some girl is gonna pass up on Drake because his pants had too much lint on them? The softest rapper in the game using a lint roller courtside. It is especially funny considering days before, he clowned Jay Z for dong something as soft as eating fondue. You can't make this shit up. Drake the kind of dude to use a lint roller at a basketball game sounds straight out of the meme world.

Worst Of The Rest:
#myNYPD: NYPD Asks Twitter To Send Police Selfies, Gets Hit With Gruesome Police Brutality Pics Instead
Migos "Bedloo"
Watch a Bunch of News Anchors Struggle to Pronounce "Lupita Nyong'o"
RZA Gives Raekwon 30-Day Ultimatum Over Upcoming Wu-Tang Clan Album

Comment Of The Week:
Spam comments are the bane of my existence; fuckin' hate 'em. Having to go through and delete is is the worst. But now, thanks to RefinedHype regular (and former comment of the week winner) MyLeage, I have a whole new perspective on it. Started from the bottom now we here getting spam bots. Movin on up!

aye Refinedhype, you aint made it til you get these troll advertisements! welcome to the big leagues

Weekend Soundtrack:

Going with Locksmith's A Thousand Cuts. This is potential album of the year candidate and I'm excited to find out why. You'd have to be crazy not to at the very least check it out; you can stream it over at the mothership.

Booty Of The Week:

Next to Beyonce, Jehne AIko is my ultimate celebrity girlfriend. She's like a little weed smokin' angel. I mean "Bed Peace" is all about staying in bed all day, smoking, and fucking how am I supposed to not fall in love. Plus she looks damn good; that doesn't hurt either. Here she is in GQ but look too long or you and me are gonna have some problems.

 

[Lucas Garrison is a writer for DJBooth.net and RefinedHype. He does not have a beard. You can tweet him your favorite Migos songs at @Lgarrison88.]

RefinedHype has merged with The DJBooth. It's the same articles you loved on RefinedHype, new address. For more info, check out the official announcement.