Peter Popoff & His Magic Beans Posted by Jason James on 04/14/11 | Filed under Features, This Is My Rifle

Last night during one of my usual sleepless bursts of creative energy, I took a break from frantically jotting down song ideas and turned on the television. While flipping through what seemed like an endless stream of sports highlights, Cheers re-runs, early morning newscasts and the much beloved infomercials for useless shit nobody needs, I came across one infomercial in particular that caught my attention: Peter Popoff’s Miracle Spring Water. Before I go further into this topic I would like to ask you to watch the clip below and get a first-hand look at this bit of televangelism gold in action.



Ok. I don’t even know where to start with this so let’s take it from the beginning and give you some history on just who this polished piece of dogshit is.

Peter Popoff first appeared on the Christian circuit in the 1970’s and was a traveling evangelist who claimed he had a “God given ability” to heal the sick and create miracles. As his popularity increased he began a radio show, which was broadcasted on over 100 radio stations and later developed into a massive international following. In the early and mid-1980’s Popoff’s church appearances and “faith healing” seminars earned him millions of dollars paid directly from the pockets of his devoted followers.

Then in 1986 skeptic James Randi publicly exposed Popoff as a scam artist. In the previous years Popoff claimed that he was receiving messages from God that included the names, addresses and ailments of members of the audience who needed to be healed. But during months of research and attending Popoff’s shows, Randi used a computerized scanner to pick-up radio transmissions that were being sent from Popoff’s wife to an in-ear receiver he was wearing, providing him with the aforementioned information which she was reading from “prayer cards” that the audience filled out as they entered the building. Also, Popoff’s wife would pick people who had curable diseases and disabilities to be “healed” so he could later take credit for their recovery. To further prove that Popoff was deceiving his followers, Randi planted members of his own team in the crowd with fake diseases that Popoff claimed to have “cured”. Footage of both the radio transmissions and fake healings were aired on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson and as a result Popoff’s popularity plummeted causing him to file for bankruptcy in 1987.

You’d think that after being ousted as a complete fraud it’d be a wrap, right? Nope. 10 years later Popoff reappeared on BET and has been on a comeback ever since. In 2005 Popoff accrued 23.3 million dollars in donations from his followers in the United States alone, not included in that is the amount of money he’s taken from people in Europe, Asia, Africa, South America and a long list of countries that air his TV ministry.

Now in 2011 Popoff has unleashed his greatest scam of all: Miracle Spring Water. Popoff promises that by drinking just one small packet of his Miracle Spring Water God will heal everything from drug addiction to cancer. Don’t have a deadly disease? Ok, well then Miracle Spring Water will cause God to shower you with thousands of dollars and erase your credit card debt. Peter Popoff no longer has to do his magic Jesus dance and slap you in the forehead, he can send you a tube of water directly to your doorstep and it works just the same.

But wait, it gets better. Miracle Spring Water is free! What? You mean Peter Popoff is handing out holy water and curing diseases, disabilities and debt free of charge? Well, kinda. After sending you the Miracle Spring Water you will be bombarded by mailings from his ministry asking for you to “prove God with a $20 offering” to his ministry “in Jesus’ name” and if you don’t make a donation the Miracle Spring Water might not work. So if you don’t wanna have cancer or a severe crack addiction anymore, you should make a generous donation to ensure that your request will actually reach God and thus your wish be granted (is it just me or does God sound like a genie? And if so, why isn’t he giving out 3 wishes per packet of Miracle Spring Water? Is there a miracle recession in heaven or something?).

Peter Popoff and others like him (Joel Osteen, T.D. Jakes, Benny Hinn, etc.) are nothing more than predators feeding on desperate people who have no hope and are looking for a reason to keep on living. People who have hit rock bottom and are so disillusioned that they would put their money (sometimes all they have) in the hands of another human being that claims to be able to fix whatever the problem may be. In a lot of cases, these false prophets are their last resort.

While I don’t agree with what most of organized religion has done over the course of human history, I will say that it is not responsible for the evil that is televangelists like Peter Popoff. In fact, I would imagine that most ministers, reverends and other leaders of the Christian faith despise these individuals and their ministries for their blatant use of God for profit. Even though Western governments and corporations hide behind the Christian smokescreen and use it as a way to rape and destroy the rest of the planet, most non-radical, orthodox Christian sects believe in giving back as much as they receive. In fact, The Bible clearly states in many passages that the accumulation of extreme wealth and material possessions is not just frowned upon but is the polar opposite of what it teaches. For example, in Matthew 19:24 it says, “And again I say unto you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God”.

The Christian religion at its very core teaches love, wisdom, peace and sacrifice; Peter Popoff and other millionaire evangelists couldn’t be further from those fundamentals. While most of the people involved in the upper echelons of Christianity suffer from the same unmitigated greed, none prey on human suffering quite like Popoff and his contemporaries. And while most Christians at least somewhat believe that God is on their side, right or wrong, Popoff believes in nothing other than capitalism and the power of the almighty dollar. So in closing I would like to leave you with another passage from the very book that these wolves in sheep’s clothing claim to base their lives on:

"Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? And in thy name have cast out devils? And in thy name done many wonderful works? And then I will profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity." –Matthew 7:22-23

(Jason James is an artist, freelance columnist and writer for RefinedHype.com. You can listen/download his most recent album, "Marvelous World Of Color", here and you can contact him here and here.)

RefinedHype has merged with The DJBooth. It's the same articles you loved on RefinedHype, new address. For more info, check out the official announcement.