I Dare You to Beat My Rapper-Only Fantasy Football Team Posted by Lucas Garrison on 06/10/13 | Filed under Opinion, Football

Since I am a huge football fan, I am already counting down the days until the NFL starts again; 86 days to be exact. While it might be a while, there are OTA’s, training camps, and fantasy football scouting to help the days fly by. With the start of team activities, I thought it might be a good time to compile the all hip-hop football team. I may not be an actual manager, but I am quite adept at fantasy football, which totally makes me a certified GM.

So before we hop in, I have to hammer out the details. I am going to run a read option offense, as it is the future of the NFL and a 3-4 Defense. Since one back offense are a thing of the past, I am going to have split carry system, which means two running backs. Also, only living players as there will be no zombies on my team. So lets begin on offense:

Quarterback- Jay-Z

Feel like this is a no brainer. He has flash, substance, and confidence but isn’t too cocky. He has been around the game long enough to know how to play but is by no means over the hill. Jigga is happy to have someone else score, but when the game is on the line, put it in his hands to seal the deal. Plus he has the head cheerleader in Beyonce.

Running Backs: Wale and Kendrick Lamar

Although Chris Johnson, technically is a rapper, I hardly consider what he does as rapping so I cant pick him. Instead I will go with DC’s own, Wale. He has a swagger about him that is necessary to be a star running back. Not only did he play football in high school and college, but the dude knows his sports; I think he drops more sports references than any other rapper. A true student of the game, Wale knows what to do and when to do it and would be a film room junkie. Cocky but works hard, just what you need from a star running back.

At 5”6’ Kendrick is not an every down back, but he is someone you can plug in at any time and he can be effective. Like his style, he is versatile; he can block, catch, and is small enough to hit some of the narrower holes, plus linebackers might lose him in the shuffle. Most importantly, he plays beyond his size; he isn't afraid to take a hit and wont back down from a stronger opponent.

Fullback: Big Boi
He has been around the block and knows the ins and outs of the game. He isn’t a glory hound and is happy with others taking the spotlight. At the end of the day he wants the W more than stats.

Tackles: Action Bronson (Left) Ice Cube (Right)
Believe it or not, Action Bronson is actually pretty athletic for his size; I mean the guy can do cartwheels. That is just what you want out of your left guard; A guy who is sure footed and can cover the blindside, but can also get up field and engage blockers on screens or big runs.

Ice Cube is the perfect bend of weight and strength. He might be a little undersized, but come the 4th quarter when guys are wearing down, his strength would be the difference maker.

Guards: Fat Joe (left) Rick Ross (Right)
Rick Ross might not be quick on his feet, and might be a little slow out of the stance, but he actually attended Albany State College in Georgia on a football scholarship, so I trust he has good footwork and knows how to keep a rusher at bay. Plus, if you plug him on the inside, there isn’t much he has to do other than get in the way. I would also imagine that he smells of deli meats and would sweat quite a bit, giving him the psychological edge at the line.

Center: Cee-Lo
He might be short, but I think that could help him get leverage. Also, he is smart and one way or another would find a way to beat you. I do have concerns about his stubby fingers properly holding the ball, but his smarts outweigh any negatives. He will get the job done when push comes to shove.

Tight Ends: Big K.R.I.T and Slim Thug
These days, you need a tight end who can both catch and block, which is why I am taking Big K.R.I.T. In addition to being a great rapper, K.R.I.T is also a magician behind the boards. Like Wale, he too is a sports nut and without a doubt is hungrier than any linebacker or safety; he wants to win.

Slim Thug is a match up nightmare at 6”6”. Also, he might be a little slower, but like his flow he is steady. He might not run by you, but he will run through you and will take more than a few hits to knock him off his feet. A definite redzone target.

Wide Receiver: Kanye West and 2 Chainz
Now I don’t know if Kanye would be good or not; he is only 5”8’ and is kinda chunky, but every team needs a diva at wide receiver, and Kanye definitely has the ego. I feel like given how inventive he is, he would find a way to get the ball and I can not even begin to imagine his touchdown celebrations.

2 Chainz would be my Hakeem Nicks/ Calvin Johnson. At 6”5 he would tower over corners and with a basketball past, he can out jump anyone. Plus, he is pretty skinny, so he must have some speed. His celebrations wouldn’t be half bad either. I just hope he and Kanye can stay on the same page and not bicker over who gets more passes.

Outside Linebackers/ends: Raekwon and Ghostface

All the great pass rushing defenses have a pair of ends with an undeniable chemistry a la JPP and Tuck. So who better than two guys who have been together for a long time; Ghostface (6”1’) and Raekwon. In addition to their palpable chemistry, both are absolutely ruthless. Their tenacity on the mic would carry over well. They would never give up on a play and would love nothing more than to knock a QB on his ass. Plus you know they can talk smack on the line and get inside the offensive lineman’s head.

Nose Tackle: DJ Khaled

In a 3-4 the defensive tackle rarely gets in the stats, but his play is essential. His main duty is to disrupt and annoy offensive lineman and take up space so his teammates can get in the backfield. Khaled is perfect for this. He yells and screams but never actually raps. He doesn’t do anything on songs but take up space while the rappers do the work: he was born to play DT

Inside Linebackers: Tech N9ne and LL Cool J

What quarterback wouldn’t be scared to see a crazy guy with face paint lined up against him? In addition to the psychological edge, Tech would fly all over the field like at a blistering pace; much like his flow. While he plays with power and speed, he never gets out of position and is always there to make a tackle. Plus he ha to bark out orders to the defense, something he would love to do.

LL Cool J might be older, but he is in great shape and is just jacked. He is smarter and stronger than you and at 6”2’ he can cover just as well as he can stop the run. Plus, he would be the enforcer. His momma said knock you out and if you mess with his teammates he isn’t afraid to get dirty.

Corners: Rapsody and Game

Rapsody might raise an eyebrow, but I have a feeling she would be a great corner. She might be small, but she is tenacious and smart. To get where she has today in a male dominated business takes some chops. She can roll with the big boys and doesn’t shy away from contact. Plus she would have great on the field IQ which allows her to read offenses and always be in the right place at the right time.

Game is a freak. He is 6”4 and jacked, but strong and tenacious. Think Cortland Finnegan but bigger. He could jam a wideout at the line but can run with them and swat any balls away with his height. He would be a great blitzer too and could even cover a tight end in a pinch. An all around baller.

Strong Safety: Eminem
Strong safeties have to be ruthless and Eminem has made songs about killing his own mother; that’s about as ruthless as it gets. He isn’t afraid to take a risk, but is still very smart thanks to years in the game. He is tough and doesn’t backdown from contact. He is however, a concern for personal fouls.

Free Safety: RZA
A ball-hawk and a crafty veteran like Ed Reed. He knows the game better than anyone else and no matter how old he gets always performs at a high-level. Plus he’s 6”2 and would have the wingspan to bat down anything in his reach.

Head Coach: 9th Wonder
A players coach. He knows how to get the best out of all of his guys and is a master of details and the fundamentals. He doesn’t lose his composure and knows all the behind the scenes stuff like the back of his hand

Offensive Coordinator: Andre 3000
An offensive genius; he is smart and can cook up ingenious formations and packages to keep the defense guessing. With an arsenal of styles he has no problem making mid-game adjustments and he has been around a long time.

Defensive Coordinator: Masta Ace
Some might not know who he is, but if you ever get a chance to listen to his music you will find a tough, street-savvy veteran whose bars are more intelligent and well thought out than anyone else in the game. The blend of smarts and toughness would be a lethal combination for a defensive coordinator. Plus he is actually a football coach so he knows what he is doing with a whistle.

So there is my squad. Good luck trying to beat ‘em; just the perfect blend of size and speed, flash and substance, and experience and youth. So lets see if any of you can come up with a team better than mine. Be sure to include reasons why you would pick your players.

Let the challenge begin....

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