MILF Battle: J-Lo vs. Halle vs. Union vs. Dash vs. Vergara Posted by Nathan S. on 01/27/14 | Filed under Girls, Debates

There are times on this site when I put my heart and soul into an article, when my goal is to leave the interwebs just a little bit better off than I found it, when I want to bring intelligence back to the rap blogging game. 

This is not one of those times. 

Instead, when I was working on the Gabrielle Union "MBOW" piece last week and saw that she was now 41-years-old. And then, this weekend, I saw Jennifer Lopez in her new "Girls" video and thought goddamn, she's over 40 too, and might be even hotter than Gabrielle Union...emphasis on "might"? Is she really? And why stop there? Why not open up the field to every MILF? 

And there you have it, the astounding depths of intelligence that lead to the article you're reading now. Although, because I talk this shit way too seriously, I do have some ground rules. First, although as it happens all of the nominees below are mothers, for these purposes I mean MILF in the "woman over 40 I want to enjoy sexual intercourse with" sense. The only real qualification is that they're 40-years-old or older (actual motherhood is not neccessary). And second, I really do mean knockin da boots, one time*. Not wife material, not girlfriend status, just doin the humpty hump. Stacey Dash supported Romney? Not a factor here. Halle's got an insane ex-husband who might murder you if he saw you with her? Irrelevant. 

Last but not least, you're taking the hot dog bus to taco town with them as they are right now. That's why I made sure that in the interest of fairness every photo below is from 2013. Although clearly their past is going to be a factor; for example, even though I'm getting 2014 Stacey Dash, having a crush on her since the "Clueless" days would be weighing on my mind. 

And with that said, in no particular order, your nominees: 

Jennifer Lopez

Bonus gif(t)

Gabrielle Union

Bonus gif(t)

Stacey Dash

Bonus gif(t)

Sofia Vergara 

Bonus gif(t)

Halle Berry

Bonus gif(t)

So there you have it, people. Personally...damn this is actually way more difficult than I thought it'd be. For me it came down to J-Lo or Halle, but in the end, I've got to go Halle because, I mean, I assume if you're reading this you're not blind and you can see for yourself. Let's see if RefinedHype Nation agrees; and if you don't see your favorite MILF here, you can add your own nominees. 

Who's the Hottest MILF?

* Yes, I'm aware that none of these women would even make eye contact with me, let alone allow me to peruse their vaginas. Doesn't stop a man from dreaming and debating though. 

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