5 Rap Lines That Make No F**king Sense Posted by Nathan S. on 05/27/10 | Filed under Top Stories, Features, Rap Lines That Make No Sense

In a recent interview Nas complained that people were fact checking his rhymes too closely, pointing out that an Alexander the Great reference he recently dropped wasn't historically accurate. Fair enough Nasir. You're a rapper, not a historian. But there are more than a couple cases of high-profile rappers' rhymes, including those from God's Son himself, being just flat out wrong. And just in case any other rappers feel like whining about this article, you write for a living, so complaining about someone pointing out obvious mistakes is like a baller complaining about an announcer pointing out they missed a shot. You missed. It's not up for debate.

Nas - "Patience"

We might as well start with the man who sparked the idea for this article. Like any prolific writer, Nas has more than a couple slip ups over the years, but since it's the most recent let's take a look at some lyrics from his "Distant Relatives" track "Patience". Nas gets a little carried away during a philosophical/conspiracy theory rant: "Was it a lightning storm that gave birth to the Earth and then dinosaurs were born?" Um, no. No it wasn't. I'll buy that the C.I.A. planted crack in the ghetto, and maybe even that the government has the cure for AIDs, but this lightning/dinosaur business is insane. It sounds like something Sarah Palin would rap.

Jay-Z "It's Hot"

This one came to my attention when I was working on the post for Mike Schpitz' "Dinner's Hot", a freestyle over Hova's "It's Hot" beat. Overall it's a sick flow from Jay, especially considering the Fiddy diss, while at first listen "Thirty-eight revolve like the sun round the Earth." may sound like a nice line, thinking about it for more than a second and it's completely wrong. We'll assume Jay fell asleep during astronomy class and not that's he's working for the Spanish Inquisition.

Nelly "Wiggle Wiggle""

Having clearly run out of analogies for booty shaking (saltshaker, top drill etc.). Nelly gets desperate and decides to go with, "Baby girl shake it like a paraplegic, please believe it." So what you're trying to tell me is that baby girl lays completely motionless and has to be fed through a straw? Somehow I don't think that was the image Nelly was going for.

LMFAO - "Love Lock Down (Remix)"

I know picking on LMFAO for bad rhymes is like picking on a fat, asthmatic kid for being slow, but for some reason this one drove me insane every time it came on the radio, which in its heyday was approximately 7,972 times a day. "You done broke my heart into a million pieces, I should have seen it coming, wish I had telekinesis." While having telekenisis, the ability to move objects with your mind, would be cool, it definitely wouldn't help you see anything coming. You keep using that word. I don't think that word means what you think it means.

Kanye West - "Run This Town"

This one isn't so much "wrong" as it just angers me as a former bartender. Most people didn't think twice about Ye's "And I'm beasting, off the Reisling," line, probably because, apparently like Kanye, they don't actually drink Reisling. Reisling is a dessert wine - you'd have to drink about a gallon of it to get truly hammered, and considering how sweet it is there's no way you wouldn't puke well before you consumed enough. In other words, trying to get "beasting" off Reisling is like ordering a Jager bomb at a five-star restaurant.

* If you've got more failed rap lines, email me at [email protected].

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