Dating in the 21st century can be about as complicated as deciphering Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. For both men and women, dating can consist of a series of do’s and don’ts. Master the do’s and forgo the don’ts and you’re in like Flynn, but fail at both and well I’m sure we all know how that story ends.
Fresh off the release of his album "Salon Stories", rapper and songwriter
Kel Spencer shared with RefinedHype.com his list of things women might want to avoid the next time they venture off into the world of dating. And with an album that delves into the sometimes fickle relationship between men and women Kel might just be on to something.
1. Name-dropping is disgusting.
“It's cool to be social, and have nice things but which rapper you hung out with last night or how much your new Emilio Pucci bag costs doesn't gain you any points. We don't want to hear about that on a date. It actually comes off as you being shallow and insecure. It comes off as you needing to associate with these things in order to validate yourself. Only God can validate you, not the fact that you have MC Such and Such on your BBM list.”
2. First comes love THEN comes marriage.
“You should LOVE the idea of being a wife/mother in the future (If you aren't already) but on a first date, unless you are DIRECTLY asked about it, you should keep the future domestic plans to a minimum. I'm not saying don't mention it at all but OD'ing with talks of breast feeding and table arrangements at the reception is a TURN OFF.”
3. Your Ex is your Ex for a reason.
“We understand that your ex-boyfriend cheated on you with your pregnant cousin and you put his car in your name and he was a low down dirty blah blah blah. But 1- It says a lot about you if you didn't thoroughly research this guy's character before committing to him and 2- My Chicken Parmesan & Penne tastes a whole lot better without hearing about the last guy! If you have a funny or wild story to share about an Ex, then cool, it's all for comedy and to have laughs on the first date. But using it as a time to vent...No Bueno!!! You have Tamika, Roshanda, and them for that.”
4. It's a date NOT a counseling session.
“Stemming from the aforementioned #3, this is not the ‘dating couch’ where you lie down and tell me all that's going on in your wacky little world. You were asked on a date as an opportunity to engage in a happy, entertaining, and maybe even flirtatious atmosphere of exchange. This is not the time to dump out your ‘Woe is Me’ bag and ask me for advice and ‘What Should I do About…,’ etc. Let's just have a good time. The date should be a time to escape from all of that nonsense anyway.”
5. If you don't want me, you won't have me.
“The idea of ‘Independent Woman’ and ‘Should've Put a Ring On It’ and all of this other stuff is heavy in society. And it should be! However, to show that you are a virtuous, classy, independent, strong woman, all you need to do is just be that. We don't need to be reminded of it. If that's who you are, then just live it. A man will pick up on the fact that he needs to come correct just by you being that type of woman. Men need to feel appreciated, wanted, and in some cases needed in a relationship. You reminding him of how strong and independent you are will make a man feel unneeded and maybe even unwanted. And it's not an issue of his strength or security with himself, he just doesn't want to hear that, just as you don't want to hear about how macho he is. All he needs to do is just be it, and so should you.”
6. You're not a charity.
“Don't appear to be too needy. Maybe he didn't compliment you on your shoes as soon as you got in the car. Maybe he didn't recognize that between the time you met and this first date, you changed the streaks in your hair from Light Brown to Ash Blonde, that doesn't mean he's not digging you. That doesn't mean you need to make it known that he didn't notice. That comes off as being needy. It comes off as you needing compliments and validation. He should indeed point out what he likes about you but let him do that. You don't need to be his compliment coach.”
