Fails of the Week: 50 Cent & Soulja Boy “Mean Mug” Edition

Regular readers know I've only devoted a "Fails of the Week" column to a single story once before; the original Eli Porter freestyle battle piece. Is the new Soulja Boy and 50 Cent record "Mean Mug" really that bad? Yes, yes it is. "Mean Mug" is first and foremost a marketing ploy - Soulja Boy's trying to pick up some of 50's street cred, 50's trying to pick up some of Soulja's teen audience, but that doesn't make the final result any less atrocious.

If you were dying for someone to do a running meta-commentary of "Mean Mug", today's your lucky day. Let's get at it.


Download "Mean Mug" via MediaFire

Soulja Boy: "My flow sicka / Your dough thick well my dough thicka / talk shit I will kick yo do (door?) nigga / I call my goons / my brand new chopper is comin soon."

Of course you have to call your goons, you're about 140 pounds in wet clothes. I don't think you could knock down the door to a doll house. And your brand new chopper is "comin soon"? What, you ordered it on Amazon and just got the shipping confirmation?

50 Cent: AK 4-7 got em dialin 9-11 / I pull that trigga y'all fuck with my lil' nigga / I come through, get ya / hop out, those hollows hit ya / keep thinkin it's a game / nigga ain't playin."

I'm sorry, were you saying something 50? I was too busy trying to figure out why you have a t-shirt wrapped around your face to pay attention.

Soulja Boy: "Y'all niggas talkin all that shit / y'all niggas can not represent / you fuckin with a young ass killa / young ass gorilla / split ya / I deal wit ya'

Just to be clear, do you do the majority of your killing before or after your choreograph your dance routines? Just so I can get a clear picture of your daily itinerary.

50 Cent: "Deal wit ya / ice pick ya / run for your life nigga / I will kill you twice / bitch go run do the Dougie / all the gangsters they love me / these hos they be all on me / they can't help it they love me."

Me: "I'm not a medical professional, so I'll have to defer to you doctor. Can you kill someone twice?'

Dr.: "No, that's ridiculous, about as ridiculous as making fun of people for doing the Dougie when you're on a track with Soulja Boy."

Me: "Thank you for your time doctor."

Soulja Boy: "I'm on another level / bitch you heard me say that didn't you / I never mention you because you're not worthy."

None of that rhymes. None of it.

50 Cent: "When I'm trippin, I'm twisted, I slap my clip in / duck down, when I start hittin' / I'm iced out / bitch my neck drippin / I lost count, all this paper that I be gettin."

Actually, that's impressive. I don't know if I've heard heard someone fit so many cliched gangsta rap lines into so few words.

Soulja Boy: "In the fuckin game nigga pass me the ball / watch a nigga ball (balls?) / I'm Gucci to the drawers / money over all / I don't really give a fuck / tatted on my neck and throat and them girls lick me up."

First, you want niggas to watch your balls? Where's Cam'ron and a good ol' fashioned "no homo" when you need him? Second, by "girls" do you mean you pay Kat Stacks for sex? Because if so, that's accurate.

50 Cent: "Lick me up till I pop / shorty swallow every drop / from the balls to the top / she must do this shit a lot / she's a freak, she's a pro / got the paper it's a go / bring the kush, burn the dro / she might bless you on the low."

For the record, here's a list of 50's rhymes on that last one: Pop, drop, top, lot, pro, go, dro, low. To call that a basic rhyme scheme would be an insult to the word basic.

Soulja Boy; 'Man I swear I pick you up / off the ground if you make a fuckin sound / disrepect my crew bitch / is you a fuckin clown?'

You used to write your name in white out on your sunglasses. Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. Shut up.