Fails of the Week: Drake Gets His Wine Spritzed, Kanye’s Non-Remix & More

The Remix That Wasn't

I must have literally gotten 50 texts/emails/tweets about the new Kanye West “remix” of Cassie’s “King of Hearts” today, and to all of those people I’d like to say fuck you.

First, there’s nary a Kanyeezy word to be found on the track. Instead, Ye got on his DJ shit and remixed the instrumental…which could have been cool, I guess…except he didn’t actually FUCKING DO ANYTHING.

Really DJ Kanye? You could remix any track in the world, and Cassie’s mediocre new single was your choice? And then if you’re going to do it, actually fucking do it. The only difference between the original and the “remix” is that you turned up the volume on the clapping and added a bunch of distorted background vocals. That’s fucking it. I could open up a Pro Tools session, have a seizure at the keyboard and accidentally do more than this.

(“Remix” on top, original below.)

This is like if I recorded Jay-Z sneezing, put it on the intro to “Starships” and called it Nicki Minaj ft. Jay-Z “Starships (Remix)”. And no, that wasn’t a request for someone to actually do that.