Scarlett Johansson Isn’t the Sexiest Woman Alive - Who Is? Posted by Nathan S. on 10/08/13 | Filed under Top Stories, Girls, Opinion, Debates

Esquire magazine just named Scarlett Johannson the sexiest woman alive, which may or may not have something to do with the fact that she's got a new movie out she's trying to promote. (It definitely does.) So...that's a thing I'm interested in, but not that interested in. The question I can't stay away from though is that if Scarlett isn't the sexiest woman alive, who is? And what does it even mean to be the sexiest woman alive? I'm glad I asked.

As I've written before, too often these "Sexiest" (I'm looking at you Maxim) discussions confuse sexy with girlfriendable. As you might have guessed by the root of the word sexy, sexiest means person you'd most like to have sex with. So...God descends from the heavens, says that you can have sex, one time, with any person on the planet. You'll never have to see that person again, just sex. One time. Who are you picking?

Your answer to that question determines who your sexiest woman alive is, and let's be clear, it's your sexiest woman alive. Like favorite rapper, sexiest woman comes loaded with a lot of personal baggage. For example, I was....12-years-old or so when I saw "Desperado", and I truly believe that Salma Hayek in that movie planted a life long lean towards dark-haired, dark-eyed women. Which is a hint at what my pick is, although anyone who really knows me already knows my pick.

Another factor to consider is the "oh shit!" factor. Case in point, while Rihanna would be...let's say top 50 at the very least...for me, the fact that I'd forever be able to tell everyone I met "I've had sex with Rihanna" might bump her up a few spots.

With all that said, my pick for Sexiest Woman Alive is below, y'all already know what it is. Who's yours?