The Return of The Immersion: Hip-Hop Is My Savior Posted by Dharmic X on 06/27/13 | Filed under Opinion, The Immersion

It has been a very long time. First of all, I readily acknowledge there are not that many of you actually reading this shit. If there were, Nathan would have called me out of hiatus much earlier. However, even though the site and RefinedHype Nation would continue to go on with or without my inclusion, I still felt like I was letting everyone down, especially Nathan, the first person to ever give me advise (which I promptly disregarded) and give me a space to write.

Ultimately, the person I've been letting down has been myself. It's been a year since I started writing for RefinedHype. Way too much has changed in that span of time. I no longer am in control of my own life.

My day-to-day is dictated by what articles I have to get up onto a website right away, regardless of time of day. The middle of the week is consumed by an arduous bus ride that leads to a whirlwind of nothingness in New York City. The bus has no wifi, no opportunity to even begin the laughable task of responding to the e-mails in my inbox. DMs, text messages... Nothing is safe from an artist, manager, or some random somebody asking me for a favor.

Two examples: last week, after meeting a legendary rapper (who shall remain nameless) for the first time, he texted me early the next day. "PeAce...if u know anybody tht wants features hit me up," he said. I never responded. That same week, I got a Facebook message from a guy who wanted me to post some press release on some website. He hasn't even been accepted as a "friend" on Facebook yet.

No, this isn't another industry vent piece from a spoiled brat. I am very much on the other end of some of the requests outlined. Beyond that, I am blessed to be in a position where people expect things from me or have a request for me. That my insight means ANYTHING to anybody after only being a part of this game for less than two years is very rare, and I am grateful to everybody who reaches out to me.

Besides, this is what I asked for. When my life was in my control, the edge of the cliff was the destination I plunged myself towards at breakneck speed. I am no longer in college. I officially have not been enrolled since the beginning of 2013. Mentally, I had checked out of college by December 2011. At this point, I have no idea if I'll ever return.

But the reality is that I never really checked into college to begin with. I was an aimless wandering nineteen-year old child when I discovered college radio and fell in love with it like I had never fallen in love with anything before. Hip-hop gave me a direction and a focus. It's given me a paycheck. I'm twenty-one now. I may not be a man yet, but I'm grown now.

I graduated high school in 2010. On June 27, 2010, my life changed forever. It has produced memories that are etched in my mind years later, nightmares that I'll never be able to escape. "The Immersion" was supposed to be a tale focused around the events that happened exactly three years ago. I always intended to reveal the details of what happened, and the struggle I went through internally before, during, and after this experience. I will get to that.

But a funny thing happened on the way. I got embroiled within a new internal conflict. I had to fall back not just because my schedule got in the way, but because I had to once again grapple with the obstacles life put in my path, this time in the midst of pursuing a bizarre dream. I am dealing with the consequences of forging a path for myself that was never there to begin with, abandoning the rock solid foundation built for me from the very day I was born in a hospital in The Bronx.

I went to a small elementary school where I was often considered the brightest child of my class by both teachers and peers. "You're going to be a doctor or a rocket scientist and make a lot of money," they told me repeatedly. The irony is that most of these same children will become the very doctors and scientists that they told me I would become. I'm headed towards a path where nothing is promised, especially not money.

On June 27, 2010, I thought life couldn't get any harder than it had become. Now I know better. In the end, all I need is hip-hop. Hip-hop is my therapy and my savior. Hip-hop will guide me through my difficulties, just as it did all those years ago...

See Also:  The Immersion: Hearing Screams With Chance the Rapper
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