Breaking Down Jay-Z’s GQ “Man Of The Year” Interview…There Will Be Sarcasm Posted by Danielle Harling on 11/15/11 | Filed under Jay-Z, Magazine Covers

In case you didn't get the memo, Jay-Z is officially GQ's "Man Of The Year." To celebrate this title the rapper/entrepreneur is featured on the cover of GQ and is the subject of a lengthy ass interview with the mag. Since reading can be quite the arduous task these days we've gone ahead and pulled the most interesting quotes from the interview. Oh, and we've also deciphered Jay's Illuminati jargon to give you an accurate translation of what he really meant in his statements.

On Kanye's Music OCD...

“I think he just can’t help himself,” Jay says. “He puts so much into everything, and he’s like, ‘You have to treat it like I treat it.’ It drives you crazy sometimes—like when you’ve put seventy-five versions of a snare on one song and he’s like, ‘No!’ and you’re like, ‘Come on, man.’ ”

Translation: Yea, Kanye can be somewhat of a persistent asshole sometimes. I considered "watching the throne" without him a few times, but he was already pretty emotional over losing that bald-headed chic Amber Petunia so it would have been too much for him.

On The Vodka & Coke Given To Him During The Interview

"This is horrible, this drink you got me. Watered-down, weak-ass…"

Translation: Save the Ciroc for Diddy's watered-down, weak ass.

On Beyonce Revealing Her Pregnancy During The VMA's

“It was actually Bey who wanted to [announce] it,” Jay says. “You want to be in control of your life.”

Translation: I had no choice, she controls my life now. [whispers] Help me...

On Being Abandoned By His Father...

“If your dad died before you were born, yeah, it hurts—but it’s not like you had a connection with something that was real. Not to say it’s any better—but to have that connection and then have it ripped away was, like, the worst. My dad was such a good dad that when he left, he left a huge scar. He was my superhero.”

[Did you really think I had a sarcastic translation for someone speaking on being abandoned by their father?! Come on...] To read the full interview visit GQ.com.