First Annual Refined Hype “Nobel Rhyme” Awards

Posted by Nathan S. on 10/09/09 | Filed under Features

This week the most prestigious award show in the world, the Nobel Prizes, wrapped up, with our very own President Obama garnering the Nobel Peace Prize (that’s my president!). But watching all these genius scientists and political leaders accept their awards got me thinking: What would the Nobel Prizes look like if they included hip-hop? From Ghostface to 50, Refined Hype hands out the first annual “Nobel Rhyme” awards.

And the Nobel Rhyme Award for Science goes to…The-Dream and Tricky Stewart
In past years this award would have been dominated by the mad beat scientist Timbaland, but this year’s Timbaland’s been largely m.i.a., so it was time to pass the torch. This year’s award has to go to The-Dream and Tricky Stewart, a production team that’s been absolutely killing the game for the last two years. At first their beats sound deceptively simple (and even repetitive), but dig deeper and you’ll find an extraordinarily complex production style. A great chef doesn’t need to smother his food in ten different sauces, and The-Dream and Tricky have been cooking similarly delicious music all year. From commercial to experimental, the duo are certifiable scientists.

And the Nobel Rhyme Award for Mathematics goes to…Jay-Z
This one was a landslide. In the middle of a crushing recession (see Slim Thug for the recession’s effects) Hova has not only swollen his own bank account, but he’s almost single-handedly holding up the entire hip-hop industry on his sizable financial shoulders. You can’t do work like that without having some serious mathematical skills, and Jay-Z’s operating like he’s a Harvard grad. Maybe Obama should reach out. We could use a new Treasury secretary. 

And the Nobel Rhyme Award for Physics goes to…Shakira!
I’ll make this simply. There is no way, no way, a woman do things with her body like this without essentially reconfiguring the rules of physics. It’s just not possible.

And the Nobel Rhyme Award for Literature goes to…Ghostface Killah!
This was an extremely difficult decision, and frankly I was on the verge of giving it to Lupe (especially considering his recent “Fire”), but in the end of the day literature is about telling a story, and there’s no better storyteller in the game than Ghostface. The man can even make an extremely graphic sexual encounter sound like “The Great Gatsby” (and extraordinarily obscene “Great Gatsby”, but you get the point). In a parallel universe this man would be pumping out some of the best novels of the 21st century.

And, last but certainly not least, the Nobel Beef Prize award goes to…50 Cent
I know, I know, it’s supposed to be the Peace award, but frankly this was far more interesting (the Peace prize would have gone to Wyclef Jean for his work in Haiti). From tracking down Ricky Ross’ baby momma to faking a serious illness after listening to Fat Joe‘s new album, no one has done more to propagate new beef than Mr. Cent. In fact, at this point he’s known far more for his beef making abilities than his music. Frankly, I’m shocked the man hasn’t come out with his own line of beef jerky (like he did for Vitamin Water), and when he does, I want a cut.

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