5 Balls Crazy R. Kelly Songs

Earlier today I wrote that while R. Kelly's new joint "When a Woman Loves" was nothing but quality, I preferred his more ridiculous material better. In fact, I've spent hours debating whether R. Kelly's image is carefully crafted, or he really is that insane, but ultimately I've come to believe that R. Kelly has no filter. If it comes into his mind, he sings it - and believe me, some balls crazy things come into that man's mind. Like what? Let's explore.

"Sex in the Kitchen"

This is what I was talking about when I said the man had no filter. I've got no doubt that one night he had sex in the kitchen, finished, and thought to himself, "I'm going to write a song, and I'm going to call it 'sex in the kitchen'". My favorite line? That would be, "Put you on the counter, by the butter rolls." Oh, and let's not forget, "Girl I'm ready to toss your salad!" Note to self: never eat butter rolls or salad at R. Kelly's house.

"Echo"

At first I didn't think this track was anything particularly remarkable, but then I really listened to the hook, in which Kells insists, "Girl, I want to hear you echo, echo" and then immediately proceeds to drop a yodeling sample. Wait, he wants to hear his woman yodel while she's climaxing? Obviously the man's into some freaky ish, but for some reason that strikes me an extraordinarily bizarre. Plus, he called his ladies boss and told him she couldn't come cause he was going to spend the day fucking her? I hope she enjoys being unemployed.

"The Zoo"

In the balls crazy Kelly pantheon this one tends to get overlooked...by everyone but me. I mean, sweet jesus, the man's not only making monkey orgasm noises, but he manages to get out of the greatest lines in r&b history: "Like Jurassic Park, except I'm your sexosaurus." Ex-fucking-cuse me?!? I literally did a spit take the first time I heard that line. God that man's fearless.

"Sex Planet"

"Girl I promise this will be painless (painless), we'll take a trip to planet Uranus (Uranus)". Yep, in the middle of a slow jam, a slow jam may I remind you that he encourages you to dance to with you woman on the intro, he throws in a not-so-subtle anal sex reference. I'm actually speechless.

"Trapped in the Closet"

I clearly saved the best for last. A multi-part soap opera featuring a gay minister, a midget and more double-crossing than a "Bourne" flick, Kelly's "Trapped in a Closet" was so insane I could have easily done this entire article on it alone, but the moment that really stands out to me is his, "Shit, think, shit, think, quick, put me in the closet." You may not realize it, but in the span of one line he's both managed to narrated his thoughts - which apparently consist of nothing other than the words "shit" and "think" - and issued a command to the woman he's cheating with. You can't make this stuff up. (Note: Shout out to "Except for one thing, we on the 5th floor." That one kills me every time.

Did I miss a balls crazy R. Kelly song? Hit up the comments below or email me at nathan(@)refinedhype.com