3 Lessons From the 2013 Highest Paid Musicians List (aka Rap Loses) Posted by Nathan S. on 11/21/13 | Filed under Top Stories, Opinion, Sales

The latest Forbes "Highest Paid Musicians of 2013" list is out, which means yet another opportunity for us to collectively fantasize about being as rich as famous people/silently curse the heavens for not giving us the earth-shaking, money-making talent of one Justin Drew Bieber. 

But instead of just stopping at feeling depressed about the state of our bank accounts in comparison, I thought we'd try to, you know, see if we can learn a thing or two about the state of the modern music industry via Forbes. 

First things first, let's take a little gander at the list. Enjoy, and/or shake your fist in anger: 
 

1. Madonna – $125 million
2. Lady Gaga – $80 million
3. Bon Jovi – $79 million
4. Toby Keith $65 million
5. Coldplay – $64 million
6. Bruce Springsteen – $62 million
7. Justin Bieber – $58 million
8. Taylor Swift – $55 million
9. Elton John – $54 million
10. Beyoncé – $53 million
11. Kenny Chesney – $53 million
12. Diddy – $50 million
13. Paul McCartney – $47 million
14. Calvin Harris – $46 million
15. Jennifer Lopez – $45 million
16. Roger Waters $44 million
17. Muse – $43 million
18. Rihanna – $43 million
19. Jay Z – $42 million
20. One Direction – $42 million
21. Dr. Dre – $40 million
22. Red Hot Chili Peppers – $40 million
23. Rolling Stones – $39 million
24. Katy Perry $39 million
25. Tim McGraw – $33 million

Lesson 1, Tour & Shit: This has been a pretty widely accepted for years now, but looking at this list it bears repeating: music sales ain't shit in 2013. If you want to make some money in the age of the internet, you're going to need to tour, sell merch, and be involved in selling some corporate product; preferably all of the above.  

What, you think Madonna dropped that "MDNA" album for the iTunes sales? Nope, she dropped that album so she's have an excuse to go on tour. In fact, anyone who bought a concert ticket also got her album in a bundle deal, which accounted for almost half of her first week album sales. If that's not a perfect example of the relationship between touring and albums, nothing is. So yes, "Yeezus" is easily Kanye's lowest-selling album to date, but he'll still end up making more money than J. Cole off his "Yeezus" tour, even though "Born Sinner" sold significantly more. And yes, "Detox" is never dropping, but some headphones have Dre sitting pretty at #21. 

Now that doesn't mean the music doesn't matter anymore, far from it. My man Ahmad put it best: Your music is your land, but it's what you build on that land that gets you paid. Better and more popular music means more land to build on. But even with a ton of land, you can't build a shanty town on that land and expect to last. The first earthquake that hits you're done, and you're MC Hammer. 

Did that analogy make any fucking sense? I think it did. At least I felt smart writing it. 

Lesson 2, Old (Probably) White People Still Win: It's easy to get caught up in feeling like teen sensations are taking over the world, but with the exception of Bieber, Swift, One Direction and Rihanna (Katy Perry and Calvin Harris are both 29), every spot is taken up by people over 30, and many of them are over 50. I'm pretty sure the Rolling Stones are collectively eleventy-million years old right now.

So what's the lesson? Old people still buy music, and have enough money to shell out thousands of dollars for front row seats to watch Madonna's aging vagina run around a stage for two hours. And now that I think about it, who's buying all those Bieber and Swift tickets? 15-year-olds? Nope, their 40-year-old parents. In many ways, the worst fanbase you could have is like 20 through 35-years old (if you want to crack the Forbes top 25). No one's making millions of broke college kids, although if you make someone a lifetime fan when they're in college they'll grow up, get that old money, and then boom, you're eating like the Rolling Stones in your sunset years.

Hip-hop's still not old enough to have gone through that yet. Will Jay Z prove to be hip-hop's first Madonna? Will people who became Jay fans in when "" dropped still pay to see him when he's 65? Will I still want to got to a Hova show in 20 years? If so, he'll be the first. 

Lesson 3, Hip-Hop Still Loses: Speaking of hip-hop....man, the top 25 is a barren wasteland. Jay Z is the only rapper to even break the top 25 (nope, Diddy and Dre aren't rappers), and even then he's at number 19. 

It's a reminder than when it comes to mainstream America, and mainstream global culture, hip-hop still isn't an elite financial force. I can get so trapped in my hip-hop bubble that it feels like Jay Z is the richest man alive, but he got worked by motherfucking Toby Keith in 2013. (Sorry for calling you a motherfucker Toby Keith, it's not personal, I just have no motherfucking idea who you are beyond some country singer guy.) And let's not focus on just Jay: every single other rapper alive couldn't even crack the top 25. 

Why am I so surprised by that? Maybe it just feels like hip-hop has become such a large part of mainstream American culture that I expected the finance to reflect that. Looks like I'm just wrong and I'll have to adjust my perception of reality accordingly. 

As the 19th highest-earning musician in the world once said: men lie, women lie, numbers don't lie.