This Is My Rifle: 2012 is the Year of the Bucket List

December 21, 2012. The End.

Or maybe not.

It was around this time last year that I began to look into the whole “2012: the complete destruction of Planet Earth” idea. At first I was reluctant to buy into the hysteria and considered it more of a Y2K scenario than an actual threat to human existence, but as my research progressed throughout the year, the possibility of an actual end date became more of a reality.

Scientists of all types from across the world have produced theories both proving and disproving the validity of the 2012 mass extinction idea. Although there are solid arguments on both sides, most of their theories rely more on assumption than fact and in every case they are heavily based in personal belief and opinion. One thing is for sure though, at some point in time Earth will come to the end of it’s lifespan and will become just another ball of dust floating around the universe. So in the event that 2012 is truly the end of the world as we know it, below are a few of the possible scenarios that may or may not occur.

THE BIG BLACK HOLE OF DESTRUCTION - This theory is based on the idea that on December 21st, 2012 the Sun and the Earth will be in perfect alignment with a super-massive (yes, that’s the scientific name) black hole located in the center of the Milky Way Galaxy. The effects of this alignment will cause everything from massive gravity radiation, which will create catastrophic universe-wide imbalance to a total pole shift (see below). Some scientists have theorized that we could even be pulled into the black hole and cease to exist.

Of all the theories, this one is my favorite since being pulled into a super-massive black hole would be painless and one hell of a ride. Gravity radiation would probably be a lot more slow and painful but I’m willing to bet the house on being pulled into a black hole. Basically from what I understand, if this were to occur, we would be stretched and then compacted down to a mass millions of times smaller than a pinpoint. It’s the type of shit that would make aliens say, “Damn son”.

MAGNETIC AND/OR ROTATIONAL POLE SHIFT - In this scenario the Earth experiences a complete rotational and/or magnetic pole shift. In the rotational pole shift scenario, the north and south poles flip to opposite ends creating instant climate change and a 100,000 year ice age destroying virtually all living plants and animals on the planet. In the magnetic pole shift scenario, the poles split and our magnetic field is temporarily weakened leaving us susceptible to extreme radiation from the Sun and creating dramatic changes that will cause us to have multiple north and south poles for possibly thousands of years.

So we either freeze to death, melt, or get hit with so much radiation that we become super-human. Fuck it, I’ll take the chance at being able to see through Eva Mendes’ clothing while punching the heads off of record industry executives any day. Even if it means I may become either Freddy Krueger or Encino Man.

SOLAR FLARES - Beginning this year (2011) and all the way through 2012 we will experience solar activity unlike anything we’ve seen before. The Sun will reach what’s called a “solar max”, or the peak of its 11 year cycle. But this time around it will be more intense than it has been in recent history and could possibly emit an electro-magnetic pulse so massive that it would permanently fry power grids across the planet sending us back to the dark ages. Also, if the magnetic field was weakened at this point in time (see above) the effects could be much more drastic and may even be fatal.

Of all of the possible scenarios, this seems to be the most realistic. It’s scientific fact, not theory, that the Sun will reach solar max and will be extremely active for the next few years. It’s also a fact that the Sun’s radiation has been reaching Earth at a faster speed than it ever has before. I myself think it might actually be a good thing for the human population to have to start over again from somewhere in the 5th century. Maybe then we will remember the horror of top 40 radio and vow to never repeat it. Bieber fever will officially be cured.

PLANET X - This theory is based around the idea that another planet roughly 4-8 times the size of Earth has entered into our solar system and we are on a collision course. Many scientists disagree as to what Planet X really is, but almost all agree that something is indeed out there and headed our way. Whether we directly collide with it or not, something the size of Planet X entering our orbit would cause nothing less than complete and total destruction.

What if Planet X is inhabited women who look like Rosa Acosta with the personality and sense of humor of Rashida Jones? What if it just so happens that these women are attracted to regular dudes like me and you? What if everyday on Planet X is like going to the Super Bowl right after telling your boss at your bullshit job everything that you’ve ever thought about him? We will all unanimously high-five and re-name Planet X, “Planet Fuckin Incredible”.

Ok, so now that we’ve heard from the experts (kind of), here’s my opinion…

I personally believe that 2012 marks the end of a dark age and the beginning of a brighter, more enlightened time in human history. This whole 2012 frenzy first began with the end of the Mayan calendar, and being American Indian, which is more or less an extension of South American Indians (Mayans), I can tell you that culturally we believe that nothing ends without giving way to a new beginning. The Mayans were a supremely mathematically advanced race of people and were able to predict events hundreds and even thousands of years into the future simply by studying the stars and other space phenomena. But I think our extreme and negative nature in thinking has led us to believe that we are headed for catastrophe when we may be entering an age of spiritual and mental prosperity.

We are in a dark era of human life, there’s no doubt about it. Thorough analysis of world history (most notably The Roman Empire) has brought me to the conclusion that we are at the tail end of the our own empire. Like those before us, we have built as high and far as we possibly can and now we are on the verge of collapse. Because of greed, gluttony, vanity and excess, our empire is falling and like our previous counterparts we are in overdrive struggling to hold it together. As we advanced technologically, we also regressed in humanity and once we created instant accessibility we also created the ability to abuse it. Everything in our world is controlled by an external, human force and it’s for this reason that it’s doomed to fail.

Most people are afraid of what the above paragraph details but I view it as a moment in which the human consciousness will be forced back towards the light and we can enter an age of true freedom. We can walk into a new world, one in which we once again learn to rely on the human necessities and throw away the artificial existence we’ve become accustomed to. A world where we are free from the enslavement of corporate rule.

2012 may just be the death of darkness and the re-birth of light. But just in case, on December 21st 2012 I’ll be somewhere along the equator with a small arsenal of machine guns, a tinfoil hat and a whole shitload of beer. I’ll send you a postcard if we’re still around on December 22nd.

(Jason James is an artist, freelance columnist and writer for RefinedHype.com. You can listen/download his most recent album, "Marvelous World Of Color", here and you can contact him here and here.)