Meet the Secretly Obscene YMCA All-Stars

Like the Hugh Grant All-Stars, comprised of men who cheat on their ridiculously hot wives with significantly less hot women (welcome to the club Dream), I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce the newly minted YMCA All-Stars. What makes a song eligible for inclusion in this elite group? The qualifications are simple: The track must be achieve widespread popularity, especially amongst mainstream white America, and must contain inherently sexual/violent/obscene lyrics that the aforementioned masses aren't fully aware of. In other words, the beat and the hook are so good, people find themselves dancing to the track, blissfully unaware of the song's true topic. The lesson? If the hook's catchy enough, people will sing along to anything. Let's explore.

The Village People - "YMCA"

There's a reason they're called the YMCA All-Stars. We will never, I repeat never, see a better example. At it's core "YMCA" is about gay sex, or at the very least a place that gay men ostracized by society can feel welcome, and yet that hasn't stopped even conservative Christian grandmas from getting down at wedding across the country. Fascinatingly, it's (obviously) no secret the Village People are gay, but America has decided the song's just so much fun they're going to pretend like it's about a place you can exercise.

Nelly - "Country Grammar"

As I wrote in the other week's Throwback Thursday, Nelly's breakthrough smash was an instant inductee into the YMCA All-Stars the minute it became a top-ten track in the country. I remember little kids doing jump rope routines to this track - fitting considering it's child song chorus - while they're parents smiled and laughed, completely unaware their precious tots were singing about moving folks down in a drive-by shooting. "I'm goin down down baby, yo' street in a Range Rover / Street sweeper baby, cocked ready to let it go / Shimmy shimmy cocoa what? Listen to it pound." There's no doubt in my mind that if mainstream America knew what a streetsweeper was, and bothered to think about the lyrics for more than two seconds, Nelly'd be working as a construction worker in St. Louis right now.

Naughty by Nature - "OPP"

In all these tracks there are a large group of people who understand the lyrics perfectly, but to qualify another larger, more ignorant mass needs to pick it up as an anthem, and "O.P.P." is proof that Hip-Hop America and mainstream America are often speaking different languages. What did "OPP" stand for? Most people didn't know, and frankly they didn't care. All they knew was it was fun to shout, "You down with OPP? Yeah, you know me." It's incredible to think how many people proclaimed their love for Other People's Pussy - then again, considering 20% of married folks cheat on their spouses, maybe it's not that incredible.

Dave Matthews Band - "Crash"

In many ways this is the modern day YMCA, and a cousin to the "if the beat and the hook are catchy people will sing along to anything" clause. Let's call it the "if it sounds romantic and beautiful people will sing along to anything" rule. I can't even begin to imagine how many people slow danced to his at their high school prom without realizing it's about hardcore bondage sex and voyeurism. Come on people, what did you think "hike up your skirt a little more and show the world to me" meant? If Ghostface's "Stapleton Sex" got remixed with an acoustic guitar and a violin people would love that too. Actually, I'd love to hear that. Let's make it happen.

Lil Jon & The Ying Yang Twins - "Get Low"

This one's right on the line. I remember going to a bar mitzvah watching the dance floor get packed by 13-year-olds and their slightly drunk 40-year-old uncles and aunts. (Note: Of course we're talking about the censored radio version). I think everyone knew the song was dirty, but they didn't understand just how dirty it really was. Let me be more specific: we learned a valuable lesson in 2003 - as a general rule white people don't know what "skeet skeet" means.

Have another nomination for the YMCA All-Stars? Email me at nathan(@)refinedhype.com