This Is My Rifle: A Look Back at The Making of “Pyramids In Stereo” Posted by Jason James on 12/05/12 | Filed under This Is My Rifle, Opinion

Exactly nine days ago, as I sat on my living room couch watching my latest album upload to the DJBooth server, I was at the lowest point I had ever been in my career as an artist. My eyes were burning, muscles were aching, my head felt like it was filled with rice pudding and I was fairly confident that this would be the last album I would release for a very long time, if not ever.

In the months leading up to November 28th I fought until the point of exhaustion to keep "Pyramids In Stereo" from spinning out of control. I recorded multiple versions of nearly every song on the album; obsessively rifling through beats, verses, hooks and flows while trying to lock myself into something, anything, that would give this project some legs and push it onto it's feet. On numerous occasions I sat on the floor in the recording booth holding back tears, struggling to find the motivation to continue on and pull myself out of the thick grey fog of uncertainty. I felt like my voice was a battering ram, an emotionless stump of death violently bouncing up and down on the music and crushing the instruments in the process. In the past I had always imagined my words to be like a python- a massive predator squeezing it's prey into submission- but I was no longer able to wrap myself around the music and strangle it, instead it sounded like a foreign life form stabbing it's way through an already completed musical piece.

For as long as I've been recording songs I have always dealt with this issue to a lesser degree. The problem I have with my voice is that my flow and register naturally drift a little too close to Eminem's. I have worked for years to get away from it, but it's the zone where I'm most comfortable and it's where my talent shines through the strongest. If I were a Black artist I wouldn't be as concerned about it but unfortunately due to my complexion, and lack of resembling anybody of African descent, I face that comparison regardless of where I fall within the Hip Hop spectrum. It doesn't matter that I'm American Indian, when people hear my voice they know that I'm not Black and the Eminem comparison happens before they can even accurately judge whether they like my music or not. I have been compared to him by everybody, from casual listeners to industry executives, and so I've become increasingly insecure over the years because of it. It's not that Eminem hasn't influenced me in any way, I can speak for most MC's when I say that I have constructed many multi-syllabic rhyme patterns built specifically with the intent of trying to out do him, but when it comes to my vocal tone and flow, it's 100% pure Jason James. As a writer, I like to move along the underlying percussive elements in a beat rather than the kick and snare drums and dig into the time keeping instruments (shakers, hats, hand drums, etc) and I've always thought that perhaps he may have a similar writing style; opting to move through the other frequencies like water rather than jump around over top of the melody like an angry Viking. But similarities aside, I am a very different artist with my own individual identity.

As I explained in my write-up for the album release last week, working with a new engineer was an unexpected challenge but it was a minor part of the problem. For the most part, it was my insecurities that were getting the best of me and disrupting my vision. I had recorded so many versions of so many songs that I couldn't hear what I was searching for anymore. I went as far as thinking that maybe I had lost my ability to sink into a beat altogether and I would have to find another passion to pursue. Between a new engineer who had know idea how to help me, my perfectionist tendencies and my loss of focus, I opened myself up to depression and I slipped deeper into it as the months rolled by. I drank alcohol profusely in an attempt to escape the reality I was facing and I secluded myself from the rest of the world. For the few people who were in my presence during that time, I was impossible to deal with and often attacked them out of anger for no reason other than because I had nowhere else to direct it. In laymen’s terms, I was a total fucking asshole.

Then one morning I woke up and said, “Fuck it. If I sound like this guy or that guy, who the fuck cares. I’m 29 years old and this is my last chance to do with my life what I’ve always dreamt I would do. Get off your ass and get this shit done”. It was that day that I recorded “This Is My Rifle”. The following week I went further into Eminem territory and recorded a song titled, “The Talented Mr. James”, which in my opinion displays what I’m best at; super aggressive serial killer raps (a bi-product of coming up in the battle scene). As I moved forward creatively I threw caution to the wind and knocked out 4 more songs- “Good Times”, “Tomorrow”, “Heavy Metal” and “Bang Bang Boogie Men”. There were still a lot of bumps in the road, and I was just as much of a dickhead as I had ever been, but I found my stride and wrapped up the album. As I went into mixing with my long-time engineer, Adam Nigro, I was running on fumes- juggling a demanding job, a girlfriend, my weekly column and a business that I’m slowly developing. Thankfully, Adam took the reigns and made the music sound above and beyond what I thought was possible as well as adding the closing drums, horns and choir underneath Mark McGrath’s roaring electric guitar at the end of “Bang Bang Boogie Men”.

So when “Pyramids In Stereo” was finally released last week, I couldn’t bring myself to observe the response. After everything that I went through, I decided to go about my day as usual and act as if the album never existed. I posted the link to my Facebook page and tweeted it out then went to work. As the day progressed I sat nervously behind my desk praying to God that somebody out there liked the music and would bring value to the utterly painful process I had just endured. I had heard those 12 songs so many times that they no longer resembled anything sonically pleasing to me anymore. It wasn’t until later that night that I built up the courage to click the DJBooth and RefinedHype links and read the comments.

To say that I’m overjoyed by the positive reception of this album is an understatement. There is really no way to properly explain how amazing it feels to see so many people appreciate this specific body of work, but if I had to put it into words I would say that this is my winning Super Bowl touchdown with 1 second left on the clock. This is my 3-point buzzer beater in game 7 of the NBA Finals. This. Is. Fucking. Victory.

I just want to say THANK YOU to everybody out there that has downloaded and enjoyed “Pyramids In Stereo”. This article has only briefly detailed just a few of the obstacles I had to overcome during the making of this project and the support you’ve thrown behind me has lit a new fire underneath me. Even more so, I am surprised that so many people chose to purchase the album instead of taking it for free and to be honest, I’ve found myself getting choked up at points from the comments, tweets and emails I’ve received since last Wednesday. I have absolutely no problem with giving my music away for free, and I will continue to do so because I want everybody to have it- from passer by to hardcore fan, but the fact that some of you see enough value in what I do that you would trade your hard earned money for it is something that I appreciate to the utmost degree. I know that a lot of us out there don’t have much extra to spare nowadays and so I do not expect anybody to purchase my music. Actually, I would much rather you pay $10-$20 to come to my show and meet you in person. But if you decide to donate even one dollar in exchange for my songs, I want you to know that you are buying into an insurance policy that guarantees more music from Rodney and myself in the years to come. The money you’ve donated is being put back into our studio fund and our next project will literally be a product of your support.

In closing, I would like to once again thank all of you for being a part of my artistic experience. I have said it many times before and I truly mean it when I tell you that without you I do not exist. We have some big things coming in 2013 and the “Pyramids In Stereo” journey has just begun.

Oh, and the “This Is My Rifle” eBook will be available for free download before Christmas. The book is 150 pages of articles, hand written lyrics and artwork from my homie Joe “M.A.S.A.R.O.” Gianoglio. Stay tuned.

(Jason James is an artist, freelance columnist and writer for RefinedHype.com. You can listen/download his last two albums, "Marvelous World Of Color" and "Pyramids in Stereo" and you can contact him here and here.)

See Also: This Is My Rifle: “Pyramids In Stereo” Has Arrived! (Album Listen & Download)