Sex, Relationships & F**king: A Honest Advice Column Pt. 2

(Why a picture of Rosa Acosta? Why not.)

The first "Sex, Relationships & Fucking" column was such an outright success I had to re-up. For those who are new, as a general rule women's magazines ("Cosmo", "Glamour", etc.) are full of all sorts of fuckery, but nowhere are they more fuckery infused than the inevitable "What Guys Really Think" column, where women get a (supposedly) honest perspective on the workings of the male mind.

I don't know where they get the men who dole out these little fucking gems, but I do know their bullshit is doing some serious damage. Since I created RefinedHype to be one of the few places on the interwebs that will actually tell it like it is, for every "Sex, Relationships & Fucking" column I'll find questions or advice from a woman's mag and actually answer them.

This week's selection comes to us from Cosmo's Sex Tips & Tricks From Guys column.

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"I can't be the only one who loves when a woman licks that soft patch of skin in front of my ears." - Jamie, 23

Hey Jamie, what the fuck are you talking about? The skin in front of your ears? You mean your face? Your jaw? Yo son, if that's your thing, you might just want to keep that to yourself. Asking a woman to lick the "soft skin in front of your ears" actually sounds weirder than asking a woman to do some furry shit.

When I learn to kiss you, hold the back of my head gently in your hand. It's tender yet sexy." - Donny, 32

Jesus Donny, that shit was so soft you make Drake sound like Mobb Deep. Ladies, if you want a shot at Donny you'll have to cover a bed in rose petals and feed him chocolate dipped strawberries.

"Your guy will always want to go shopping with you if you let him into the dressing room while you try on clothes, especially lingerie." - Nathan, 21

Listen Nathan, we share the same first name and you're only 21, so I feel the need to put you on game.

Yes, going shopping with your woman is better if you get invited into the dressing room, but you know what's even better? Staying the fuck at home while she goes shopping. You're not going to get any in that dressing room, so all you're doing is subjecting yourself to some shopping bullshit to see her try on some lingerie she'll just bring home and wear for you anyway if it looks good.

Rookie mistake Nathan, but you're young, you've still got plenty of time to learn. Just don't let me catch you asking a woman to hold the back of your head gently like fucking Donny up there.

"Have me lie on my stomach, then wet the skin below my butt with your tongue. Blow on it." - Beckett, 33

Yo, I can't....I mean...I just...

All I can really say is ladies, please don't try that shit with any dude. Just don't. On the real, I have no fucking idea what Beckett is talking about. What is up with dudes in this magazine wanting women to lick random spots?

"Make two fists around my shaft and twist them in opposite directions as fast as you can." - Jamie, 30

Serious question, could I sue Jamie for giving women a terrible tip in Cosmo that leads to 3rd degree wang burn?

Ladies, I want to make this very, very, clear. This isn't a joke, this is a fucking safety issue. Do...not...do this. As a general rule, anything that involves twisting anything as fast as you can is a terrible fucking idea. If you want to be known as the chick you once ripped a man's wang clean off, then by all means, follow Jamie's advice.

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If you spot any questions you'd like to see get the RefinedHype treatment feel free to pass them along to nathan(@)refinedhype.com. And ladies, if you've got any questions you actually want honest answers to feel free to send them in as well - although fair warning, I'm actually going to answer you.