Why Do Hard Rappers Have Weak Names?

I was doing some research on Freeway for a review of his "Stimulus Package" album when I came across his government name (Leslie) and was suddenly struck by just how many rapper have weak first names. Twice is a coincidence, three times is a trend, but the sheer volume of rappers with nerdy names suggests that if you want your child to grow up to be a street rapper, be sure to name them something that will bet them beat up on the playground. In fact, I could theorize that guys with names like these were forced to be particularly cool and hard to compensate, but I don't want to engage in pop psychology. Regardless of the reason, the evidence is overwhelming. Here are just a handful of prominent examples.

Calvin Broadus (Snoop Dogg)

Snoop is so unstoppably cool that I think he's made the name Calivin cool in retrospect, but there's no denying that when he was born in 1971 it was definitely not a good thing to hit the playground with a name like Calvin. Before the Doggfather, history's most prominent Calvins were former president Calvin Coolidge, Calvin of "Calvin & Hobbes" and John Calvin, theologian and founder of Calvinism. Not exactly stellar company.

Clifford Harris (T.I.)

Unlike most of the other rappers here, T.I. has systematically refused to admit that his name is Clifford, and for good reason. There's no way he's going to pull a "Marshall Mathers LP" or "Curtis" and try to claim his name. No way. Why? Because the only other famous Clifford is a giant red dog, not exactly the kind of connection he's looking for.

Marshall Mathers (Eminem)

No one's owned his weak name like Em, and that's got to be because he's so used to being made fun of that he learned to put his weaknesses out front and mock them before anyone else does. "Yes I'm white. Yes my families fucked up. Yes my name makes me sounds like I own an abacus." By owning it he takes away its power.

Leslie Edward Pridgen (Freeway)

The name that started this whole article. I know it's kind of played out to think of Leslie as a "girl's name" but still...tell me you weren't at least a little surprised to discover that's Free's first name? And the Edward just really seals the deal. Still can't get over this. Leslie? Really? Huh.

Curtis Jackson (50 Cent)

Unlike Eminem, who managed to own his weak name, Fiddy's attempt at transforming his name has largely failed; can it be a coincidence that "Curtis" was both one of his weakest and weakest selling albums? I think not. 50 Cent gets shot in the face nine times and live. Curtis was really into Pokemon when he was younger. In an industry based on image, names came mean a lot.

Now there are or course some exceptions - most notably Jay-Z and Weezy, who both have perfectly normal names (Shawn and Dwanye, respectively) - but it's hard to argue with the evidence above; and that's just a small sample. I could have easily compiled Top 20 Rappers With Weak Names list.