Fails of the Week: F**king Hip-Hop Hamsters, Boozing Lindsay Lohan & More…

Schadenfreude is a psychological terms used to describe someone who takes pleasure in the failure of others (aka haters), and while I certainly didn't derive any enjoyment from some of the epic f**k ups below, they were too egregious not to be called out. In the latest of an ongoing series that will include the best...or worst...fails of the week from the world of hip-hop, sports, pop culture and beyond, I examine Just Blaze's atrocious sample selection, hip-hop hamsters, underage boozin and much more...

Fuck These Hip-Hop Hamsters. Fuck 'Em

I threw up in my mouth a little bit the first time I saw Kia's new commercial for the Soul which features, and there's really no other way to say this, hip-hop hamsters dancing to Black Sheep's classic track "This or That". Now I'm not mad at Black Sheep (assuming they even own the rights to their own music), at this point they probably need some money to pay their kid's college tuition, but what the fuck is this?! First, thanks for disgracing hip-hop culture Kia. Second, how is this supposed to make anyone want to buy one of your shitty cars? Oh yeah, cause I'm dying to spend my money on the hamster car.

Philly, the City of Brotherly LoveUnderage Alcoholics

After infamously heckling Santa and throwing batteries at opposing players, we shouldn't be surprised by anything the city of Philadelphia does, but I still had to do a double take when I saw this four-year-old kid pounding back a Bud Light while his dad looked on, and the way he's pounding that bad boy, this isn't is first time throwing back a cold one. Note to self: never take my daughter to a Phillies game.

Lindsay Lohan Drinks and Lies

For those who haven't been following the human wreck that is Lindsay Lohan, after approximately 47 DUIs, for which she failed to show up to court, a judge ordered her to wear a special ankle bracelet that detects when Lindsay's been drinking (a violation of her parole), and this Tuesday that ankle bracelet started screaming right around the same time Lohan was attending a MTV Movie Awards after party. Lohan's response? "It's physically impossible considering I've done nothing for it to go off. The tabloids and press are liars." Basically she took a page out of the Shaggy excuse book and went with, "it wasn't me." Right Lindsay, I'm sure the bracelet malfunctioned at exactly the same time your alcoholic, 100-pound ass was hitting the after party. Honestly, I'm actually kind of impressed. It takes a real commitment to be this delusional and stupid.

No Love for "No Love"

I've gotten no shortage of complaints and disagreements for my stance on Eminem's new leak "No Love", but if you know me, you know I'm a stubborn mofo who sticks to his opinions. I'm not going to rehash it in full here, but in summary, Just Blaze's beat sounds like a complete joke and ruins great verses from Em and Lil Wayne. And for everyone who's telling me that the beat doesn't matter and I should love the song for Em and Weezy alone, you can serve me caviar on a poo plate, but that doesn't mean I'm not eating. (The cavair is the verses, the poo plate is the beat. What's a poo plate? I don't know either. Ok, not one of my better analogies. Fail to me.)